The WAG And Mood Swings: Understanding PMS.

WAGS, don’t despair . I’m a man, but a sympathetic one. Listen up.

PMS’s are a natural curse to all women, even WAGS. They parade under the umbrella of Perpetual Mood Swings. You cannot escape them in your complex lifestyle. After all, you have so much to deal with - you cannot be expected to be happy and cheerful all the time, although it’s advisable in public. The paparazzi can be ruthless.

There are multiple causes, and they can hit you any number of times a day. The way to combat them is to understand them and to arm yourself with some solutions.

Example One – Business:

Pre Match Stress: What will you wear? Will it be a good hair day or a bad one? What about the weather – waterproof make-up or not? The girls went shopping yesterday (obviously!) – did someone buy the same outfit you did? Do you shout for the bastard after his scene with that hussy, or give him the cold shoulder? Do you have to go at all? All perfectly legitimate concerns.

Chill, girlfriend. You are you and you are unique (lol … oh, that means ‘lots of love’…oops), so trust your instincts. The girl at the boutique didn’t allow anyone else to buy the same outfit for tomorrow’s game, even if she does hate your guts for being such a bitch to her. She’s wants you and the others to keep shopping there. Don’t stress. Wear waterproof make-up. If it doesn’t actually rain, it’ll be hot as hell in the VIP box and you’ll sweat anyway. Shout for the bastard. Nobody understands what you’re shouting anyway, so let it all out. And yes, you do have to go. The paparazzi expect it. You have to support your supporters – it’s just good business. Anyway, if you don’t, he might take that hussy.

Example 2 – Out Of The Public Eye:

Porsche Mechanic Stress: Don’t let him stress you out. You cannot expect a man to understand that you need him to locate that funny noise you can’t define - (you cannot be expected to be mechanically-minded on top of all your essential talents and skills; that’s what you pay him for) – to get rid of it, tone up the colour in those troublesome spots and do the oil thingy quickly, because you need the car before your lunch appointment.

If he looks as though he’s not taking in what you’re saying – well, you’re probably right. Men can only focus on one thing at a time. (That’s why they focus on the cleavage – there’s only one of those.)

Solution: Make him stand up when you’re talking to him. Don’t let him fool you into thinking that he has to lie under that car and you have to bend forwards to speak to him. Tell him that despite the warm weather, you’ll have to change your halter neck for a Victorian dress by 1:00pm for a function. He’ll have the car ready by noon.

If you find these tips helpful, give me a call – we’ll discuss the rest over lunch.