“Do you have any hobbies, beyond shopping?”
“I don’t know why people want to put us all in one ….. well, one ….peapod, you know? I mean, we’re all unique individuals. Victoria said it all when she said that life is so much more than football; that one has to see the full picture, you know, like there’s make-up and fashion …..”
“Yes. So what do you do?”
“Well, I’m a real PEOPLE person. I love people, and I like to give back something. I feel that it’s important to just listen to them sometimes – you know, to give a sympathetic ear? Not everybody understands shopping the way I do, and by listening, I can give them tips and help them. And about make-up too! And then there’s clubbing …..”
“Nightclubs or seals?”
“Yes, nightclubs – what other kind is there? Well, anyway, I’ve been studying social behaviour. That’s when a person learns to behave with ‘decorum’? Is that a word? You know, when you don’t throw up in public or tell the waitress to f*** off when she hits on your guy, and you ‘handle’ it, well, sort of graciously?”
“Yes, But What Of Your Hobbies?”
“Well, I tried to ride a horse once, but I didn’t like that. He was very rude. He kept on, you know, passing wind. I mean, what if people thought it was me? Can’t they train them or something? What if they did that in front of the Queen?”
“Queen Elizabeth? She’s an excellent rider. I think she would understand.”
“Oh …. yes, I suppose. Actually I meant Alex – Alex Curran, the WAG Queen? You don’t go out much, do you?”
“Tried any other hobbies?”
“Oh, lots! Like, I collect make-up. I’m passionate about that! I have so much that I’ll probably never use, but I just love to collect all sorts of famous brands. Whatever’s hot. And I like to keep a scrap book. I have a collection of my personal appearances in newspapers and magazines, then I have another collection of other WAGS. Actually, two – one for the ones I like and one for the ones I don’t like. You’d be amazed how busy that keeps me, because I keep changing my mind about who belongs where!”
“Anything outside of the World of Wags?”
“Where? What do you mean? I love water sport, if that’s what you mean! Like yachting….”
“You sail?”
“Well, I lie on the deck and work on my tan. I don’t do the ropes and things, if that’s what you mean. That would be crazy. Do you know how much I have to spend on my nails? Georgio would kill me! Oh … hah, hah, hah, …he’s my manicurist! You looked so shocked! Did you think I was having an affair? …..Would that count as an interest?”
“I wouldn’t call that a hobby – it’s more of a career risk ..…”
“Oh, yes, I suppose so. Well, obviously I love football …..”
“How very sensible.”
“You see? I’m not just a pretty face! I lead a fascinating life!”
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