I’m so excited! My niece told me recently that she had joined the WAGs! I’m so happy for her – I don’t mind telling you that I was beginning to have some doubts about her…..quite a handful, she was becoming. Well, there you are – never lose faith; we were all young once.
I’m not sure who the WAGs are, but I joined the WRENS during the War, and I can tell you, we had a fair bit of fun, we did! All for a good cause, mind you. (That awful man with the little moustache was being an absolute beast on the Continent. Made his presence felt in England, too. Quite wrecked the place. Well, we taught him to mind his “p’s” and “q’s”, we did - with a little help from the others, of course.)
I suppose WAGs must be something similar. My niece, Jane, tells me that they’re quite involved with sporting activities. (Football, I think she said.) I remember how much fun we had in the WRENS, supporting our local regiments in their sporting matches – mostly cricket, in those days, but football and rugby too. Looked very dashing in their white attire, they did. Very good for morale, it was; kept up the spirits. Good clean fun.
I shouldn’t say this, but the socials after the matches weren’t always quite so clean! Quite frisky, some of those lads were, I can tell you! But certainly good for OUR morale! (Good Heavens, what would my mother say if she heard a remark like that?) Well, can’t live in the Dark Ages, can we? Must move with the times; far more open now – too open, if I may be so bold.
Never mind, good healthy activities will be good for our Jane. Won’t do her any harm to learn a bit of decorum and proper presentation. (She mentioned that proper attire was terribly important, so that’ll do her good. No fashion sense at all, to my mind. Won’t do her any harm to learn from those in the know.) I told my friends about it and they’re all very happy for her, though none of them seemed to know much about WAGs. My young nephew, Neville, will be over for a visit shortly, so perhaps I could ask him.
Ah, Here’s Neville Now! Do Excuse Me …
Well, THAT was uncalled for! I simply asked Neville if he knew anything about the WAGs, and he told me to “Google It”! Don’t know what got into him, he’s normally such a nice, placid young man. He doesn’t LOOK annoyed or anything; just sitting at the computer as if nothing happened. How awkward.
What’s that, Neville? You FOUND something about WAGs? On the computer? How very clever of you! You must show me how you did that. Well, shift over, young man, let me see ….
Ah, here we are, let’s see what they say. .…..
Ah, yes, there you are …..
Oh, that’s interesting……
Oh ……?
Oh, dear …….
Oh, My …..
Oh, dear me …
Oh Shit.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Childhood Emotional Trauma: The Issue Of Volunteers.
Dealing with emotional trauma is a matter for the experts, but there is so much of it around that we need to know something about it – even if it’s just enough to realize that a lack of knowledge can do more harm than good. This is especially true when dealing with childhood emotional trauma among sufferers who are still children.
Children’s Homes are filled with traumatised children. Even if they haven’t been abused, the very fact that they are there is a result of a traumatic life event. Sudden death of a primary care-giver is a huge factor in causing childhood emotional trauma. Even if the reasons are purely economic, being wrenched away from their family and their known environment into that lonely, unknown world, cannot escape causing them severe trauma. In too many cases, however, abuse or neglect was the cause of their being relocated.
The circumstances leading up to a child’s incarceration into an institution ensures that the child is already traumatized by the time admission takes place. From that moment on, there will be many circumstances to add to their trauma, not least, their sense of abandonment and loneliness. For them, childhood emotional trauma is already a reality that will shape their futures.
Childhood Emotional Trauma; Volunteers and Hosts.
Volunteers and hosts who visit children in institutions, or take them to their homes on a regular basis, should be aware that their own lack of training in childhood emotional trauma could very easily undo all the progress that the children’s therapists have made. For example, abused children do not see normal discipline from the same perspective as emotionally secure children do. Childhood emotional trauma changes a child’s perception of discipline and punishment. When you smack your child’s bottom, indignation is probably the only result. When you raise your hand to an abused child, even playfully, the moment your hand is raised, all trust disappears and immediate distress is triggered. No matter how much you reassure the child, that trust is gone – and the child is convinced that yet another adult has proved that adults cannot be trusted.
Another consequence of childhood emotional trauma is that these children often have a very low self-esteem. ‘Normal’ teasing may inadvertently trigger responses in them that take you by surprise. Careless use of words can cause immense damage to already-fragile self-esteems.
Childhood emotional trauma carries devastating consequences. My purpose is not to discourage volunteer activities. I URGE more people to get involved. You CAN have a HUGE positive influence. My purpose is to emphasise the need to understand the issue and to encourage more people to do one of the many short study courses offered in childhood emotional trauma before volunteering.
Word Count: 450 excluding title.
Keyword density: 9 / 2%
Secondary keyword: 1
Children’s Homes are filled with traumatised children. Even if they haven’t been abused, the very fact that they are there is a result of a traumatic life event. Sudden death of a primary care-giver is a huge factor in causing childhood emotional trauma. Even if the reasons are purely economic, being wrenched away from their family and their known environment into that lonely, unknown world, cannot escape causing them severe trauma. In too many cases, however, abuse or neglect was the cause of their being relocated.
The circumstances leading up to a child’s incarceration into an institution ensures that the child is already traumatized by the time admission takes place. From that moment on, there will be many circumstances to add to their trauma, not least, their sense of abandonment and loneliness. For them, childhood emotional trauma is already a reality that will shape their futures.
Childhood Emotional Trauma; Volunteers and Hosts.
Volunteers and hosts who visit children in institutions, or take them to their homes on a regular basis, should be aware that their own lack of training in childhood emotional trauma could very easily undo all the progress that the children’s therapists have made. For example, abused children do not see normal discipline from the same perspective as emotionally secure children do. Childhood emotional trauma changes a child’s perception of discipline and punishment. When you smack your child’s bottom, indignation is probably the only result. When you raise your hand to an abused child, even playfully, the moment your hand is raised, all trust disappears and immediate distress is triggered. No matter how much you reassure the child, that trust is gone – and the child is convinced that yet another adult has proved that adults cannot be trusted.
Another consequence of childhood emotional trauma is that these children often have a very low self-esteem. ‘Normal’ teasing may inadvertently trigger responses in them that take you by surprise. Careless use of words can cause immense damage to already-fragile self-esteems.
Childhood emotional trauma carries devastating consequences. My purpose is not to discourage volunteer activities. I URGE more people to get involved. You CAN have a HUGE positive influence. My purpose is to emphasise the need to understand the issue and to encourage more people to do one of the many short study courses offered in childhood emotional trauma before volunteering.
Word Count: 450 excluding title.
Keyword density: 9 / 2%
Secondary keyword: 1
An Act Of Love: Healing Emotional Trauma.
Healing emotional trauma begins with understanding it. Emotional trauma is stress exploded beyond a person’s ability to process an extreme life experience or to cope with the occurrence. It can be caused by a number of triggers - the sudden loss of a loved one, a serious accident or injury, violence or continuous violent abuse, abuse in all its forms, prolonged neglect or an incident where extreme fear resulted from neglect, natural disasters, amongst others factors. Being a witness to such an occurrence, particularly where serious injury, fatalities or emotional suffering are involved, can also be a cause.
Healing emotional distress is an act of love. In my opinion, it should be done by someone with knowledge and expertise, with the active support of friends and loved ones who if not involved, could unintentionally exacerbate the condition. The expression “The road to hell is paved with good intentions” can be tragically true when unqualified do-gooders decide to ‘help.’ This is especially true in cases where childhood emotional trauma is involved.
Healing emotional distress is a team function.
There are a number of organizations and individuals qualified in the field of healing emotional distress - psychiatrists, psychologists and trained counsellors in various organizations and private practices are available. However, I feel that the person’s direct family or appointed friends should be involved in understanding the therapy involved. They form an important part of the team in healing emotional distress, as they are the ones who are close to the sufferer in everyday life situations. By understanding the process, they are able to offer support and encouragement. Most important in my mind is that they understand enough to not destroy all the progress being made by the patient and the professionals!
Healing emotional distress, or treatment, to be more accurate, usually takes the form of talk therapy, behaviour therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy, where one knowingly changes one’s thoughts and actions, and a systematic approach to desensitizing the factor that triggers the trauma – or reducing the intensity of the reaction to it.
I have read that more recent developments in healing emotional distress can include forms of psychotherapy and body therapies related to new brain science information, incorporating neurological stimuli. The technicalities of healing emotional distress are not the topic of my discourse here, but the need for it.
Emotional trauma is real and cruel. Healing emotional trauma is crucial to the sufferer’s well-being and potential in life – but it is also a way of preventing more emotional trauma to others, resulting from behavioural disorders of the sufferer. Supporting the healing process is an act of love. Don’t just hope that it’ll go away.
Word Count: 441 excluding title.
Keyword density: 9 / 2%
Secondary keyword: 1
Healing emotional distress is an act of love. In my opinion, it should be done by someone with knowledge and expertise, with the active support of friends and loved ones who if not involved, could unintentionally exacerbate the condition. The expression “The road to hell is paved with good intentions” can be tragically true when unqualified do-gooders decide to ‘help.’ This is especially true in cases where childhood emotional trauma is involved.
Healing emotional distress is a team function.
There are a number of organizations and individuals qualified in the field of healing emotional distress - psychiatrists, psychologists and trained counsellors in various organizations and private practices are available. However, I feel that the person’s direct family or appointed friends should be involved in understanding the therapy involved. They form an important part of the team in healing emotional distress, as they are the ones who are close to the sufferer in everyday life situations. By understanding the process, they are able to offer support and encouragement. Most important in my mind is that they understand enough to not destroy all the progress being made by the patient and the professionals!
Healing emotional distress, or treatment, to be more accurate, usually takes the form of talk therapy, behaviour therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy, where one knowingly changes one’s thoughts and actions, and a systematic approach to desensitizing the factor that triggers the trauma – or reducing the intensity of the reaction to it.
I have read that more recent developments in healing emotional distress can include forms of psychotherapy and body therapies related to new brain science information, incorporating neurological stimuli. The technicalities of healing emotional distress are not the topic of my discourse here, but the need for it.
Emotional trauma is real and cruel. Healing emotional trauma is crucial to the sufferer’s well-being and potential in life – but it is also a way of preventing more emotional trauma to others, resulting from behavioural disorders of the sufferer. Supporting the healing process is an act of love. Don’t just hope that it’ll go away.
Word Count: 441 excluding title.
Keyword density: 9 / 2%
Secondary keyword: 1
Emotional Trauma: A Personal Overview
Emotional trauma can be a very debilitating condition, all the more so because it is often overlooked by the sufferer’s friends, family and colleagues as simply a character flaw, which they expect the sufferer to overcome and just “pull himself or herself together.” Such an attitude exacerbates the condition with dire effects. Healing emotional trauma depends upon being able to recognize it in the first place and accepting it as a treatable condition.
Not only can emotional trauma be treated, but it must be treated – for the sake of the sufferer, as well as for the sake of those affected by his or her actions and attitudes as a result of the worsening condition. Left untreated, the psychological distress of the sufferer can lead to behavioural patterns that adversely affect those who are dependant upon him or her, thus possibly leading to emotional distress to them as well, becoming an unbreakable cycle.
We live in a traumatized world – and the greater the behavioural disorders are that result from it, the more our offspring will suffer emotion trauma stemming from ours, until it becomes the norm.
What Is Emotional Trauma?
Trauma is stress gone haywire; too much to cope with. It is an ongoing inability to deal with an extreme life event, stemming from a number of possible sources such as
natural disasters, war, violence, abuse, the sudden loss of someone upon whom we depend, an act by someone that destroys faith and trust, serious accidents, or loss of self worth in an inability to cope with a situation.
Abuse can include repeated acts of violence, rape or severe neglect. Sudden loss of someone upon whom one is dependant includes emotional dependency, like a sibling.
Emotional trauma may occur not only in a person suffering one of those causes, but in someone who has witnessed such an event.
Dealing with emotional trauma oneself – that is the sufferer – is too much to realistically expect. Sufferers need help to deal with emotional trauma, and when we recognize the condition in anyone, we have a moral and humane responsibility to assist that person in getting the help he or she requires.
Emotional trauma is a cruel affliction for anyone to suffer. By encouraging and helping such a person to receive treatment, we not only help the person to ease the suffering, but we are helping to establish that person to pursue a life where his or her potential can be fulfilled. In addition, we may well be helping others within the circle of the sufferer’s influence to avoid their own emotional trauma resulting from behavioural disorders of the sufferer.
Word Count: 435 excluding title.
Keyword density: 9 / 2%
Secondary Keyword: 1
Not only can emotional trauma be treated, but it must be treated – for the sake of the sufferer, as well as for the sake of those affected by his or her actions and attitudes as a result of the worsening condition. Left untreated, the psychological distress of the sufferer can lead to behavioural patterns that adversely affect those who are dependant upon him or her, thus possibly leading to emotional distress to them as well, becoming an unbreakable cycle.
We live in a traumatized world – and the greater the behavioural disorders are that result from it, the more our offspring will suffer emotion trauma stemming from ours, until it becomes the norm.
What Is Emotional Trauma?
Trauma is stress gone haywire; too much to cope with. It is an ongoing inability to deal with an extreme life event, stemming from a number of possible sources such as
natural disasters, war, violence, abuse, the sudden loss of someone upon whom we depend, an act by someone that destroys faith and trust, serious accidents, or loss of self worth in an inability to cope with a situation.
Abuse can include repeated acts of violence, rape or severe neglect. Sudden loss of someone upon whom one is dependant includes emotional dependency, like a sibling.
Emotional trauma may occur not only in a person suffering one of those causes, but in someone who has witnessed such an event.
Dealing with emotional trauma oneself – that is the sufferer – is too much to realistically expect. Sufferers need help to deal with emotional trauma, and when we recognize the condition in anyone, we have a moral and humane responsibility to assist that person in getting the help he or she requires.
Emotional trauma is a cruel affliction for anyone to suffer. By encouraging and helping such a person to receive treatment, we not only help the person to ease the suffering, but we are helping to establish that person to pursue a life where his or her potential can be fulfilled. In addition, we may well be helping others within the circle of the sufferer’s influence to avoid their own emotional trauma resulting from behavioural disorders of the sufferer.
Word Count: 435 excluding title.
Keyword density: 9 / 2%
Secondary Keyword: 1
A World Of Opportunity: Free Audio Books.
If you haven’t discovered the audio book yet, you could be losing out on a world of opportunity. Many of us love reading, but lament the time we don’t seem to have to do enough of it. The joy of reading has its own rewards, but there’s a great deal to be said for just listening as well.
Remember when you were a kid, how much you loved having a story read to you? You could just close your eyes, or gaze into the distance, and visualize a whole different world, accompanied by the soothing sound of someone’s voice?
Audio books are widely available from a number of sources, for purchase, for rent, and as downloads – but they do not have to be a major expense in your life. Free audio books are available, once again, from a number of sources.
With books, sometimes one prefers to purchase them new and to keep them at home for a number of people to read and to be able to read repeatedly. Other books, one buys on sale. Either way, one builds a home library. For avid readers, obtaining books from a public library may be a more convenient choice. The same applies to audio books. (There is probably an audio book library near you – perhaps even in a section of your regular library. Alternatively, there are audio book libraries online.)
Free Audio Books – Where To Find Them:
If you already belong to a library, that would be a good place to start your search for free audio books.
Alternatively, there are a number of sites online where you can download free audio books – just doing a Google search will probably reveal more than you expected.
One of the organizations well worth a mention is LibriVox. They provide free audio books from the public domain. Volunteers record books in the public domain and publish the files onto the internet, where you can download them. Their goal is to record all books in the public domain.
Type “free audio book” into your Google – or other – search bar and a great number of sites will be listed. Some of them are dedicated to free audio books, while others have books for sale or rent, but will offer a limited number of free downloads.
Free audio books on offer include not only entertainment, but many language courses and other university / educational courses, inspirational material and promotional material.
Remember that while you’re carrying out those dull routine tasks, enjoying a leisurely walk, sunbathing at the pool, recuperating at home, or just have some time to fill, there are free audio books available to spice up your life and introduce new elements into your world.
Word Count: 449 excluding title.
Keyword density: 9 / 2%
Secondary keyword: 2
Remember when you were a kid, how much you loved having a story read to you? You could just close your eyes, or gaze into the distance, and visualize a whole different world, accompanied by the soothing sound of someone’s voice?
Audio books are widely available from a number of sources, for purchase, for rent, and as downloads – but they do not have to be a major expense in your life. Free audio books are available, once again, from a number of sources.
With books, sometimes one prefers to purchase them new and to keep them at home for a number of people to read and to be able to read repeatedly. Other books, one buys on sale. Either way, one builds a home library. For avid readers, obtaining books from a public library may be a more convenient choice. The same applies to audio books. (There is probably an audio book library near you – perhaps even in a section of your regular library. Alternatively, there are audio book libraries online.)
Free Audio Books – Where To Find Them:
If you already belong to a library, that would be a good place to start your search for free audio books.
Alternatively, there are a number of sites online where you can download free audio books – just doing a Google search will probably reveal more than you expected.
One of the organizations well worth a mention is LibriVox. They provide free audio books from the public domain. Volunteers record books in the public domain and publish the files onto the internet, where you can download them. Their goal is to record all books in the public domain.
Type “free audio book” into your Google – or other – search bar and a great number of sites will be listed. Some of them are dedicated to free audio books, while others have books for sale or rent, but will offer a limited number of free downloads.
Free audio books on offer include not only entertainment, but many language courses and other university / educational courses, inspirational material and promotional material.
Remember that while you’re carrying out those dull routine tasks, enjoying a leisurely walk, sunbathing at the pool, recuperating at home, or just have some time to fill, there are free audio books available to spice up your life and introduce new elements into your world.
Word Count: 449 excluding title.
Keyword density: 9 / 2%
Secondary keyword: 2
Reading By Ear: The Audio Book
The concept of audio books is by no means new – but they are easier to obtain now and are available in more applications than ever before. Originally, audio books were done on tape cassettes, but now they are readily available on CD, MP3, or as downloads from web sites. Generally they are sold, usually in CD form, rented, downloaded at a price, or are obtainable from libraries, but there are also free audio books available as downloads from various web sites.
The original audio books tended to be more in the range of study material - learning languages, various motivational courses, or literary study aids, not to mention an array of promotional material – but they have developed to cover a much wider spectrum. Educational material in this form has boomed. Voice recordings of published books exist either in the form of actors reading parts, or of someone reading the book to an audience. In some cases, stories are published books, in other cases the audio books are specially written for this medium. Sci-Fi forms a large part of the audio book market, including serialization of scripts specifically written for the medium.
Whether your objective is study, entertainment or use as a remedial tool, there are audio books readily available to suit your requirements.
Uses For – And The Convenience Of – Audio Books.
One of the most obvious benefits of the audio book is the benefit to those who suffer from impaired vision. There are others, though, who are unable to read and would benefit hugely from being able to listen – small children and anyone else who has not yet learnt to read. Audio books make education a reality even for the illiterate, but they also offer a world of entertainment, information and knowledge despite people’s inability to read.
For many of us, the audio book gives us an opportunity to catch up on some “reading” in situations where we don’t normally use a book. Driving a car, for example, particularly if you are cursed with peak hour traffic every day. Even using public transport, many people are uncomfortable burying the faces in a book – they want to be alert and see what is happening around them. The audio book is the answer – out with the MP3 player, and you’re conscious of two worlds at once.
If you’re good at multi-tasking, it’s a boon. Listen to your favourite stories, inspirational material, or learn something new while going about routine housekeeping tasks, or any other routine work, for that matter.
The audio book certainly adds an element of convenience to our lives, particularly now that we have such a variety to listen to.
Word count: 440 excluding title.
Keyword density: 13/3%
Secondary keyword: 1
The original audio books tended to be more in the range of study material - learning languages, various motivational courses, or literary study aids, not to mention an array of promotional material – but they have developed to cover a much wider spectrum. Educational material in this form has boomed. Voice recordings of published books exist either in the form of actors reading parts, or of someone reading the book to an audience. In some cases, stories are published books, in other cases the audio books are specially written for this medium. Sci-Fi forms a large part of the audio book market, including serialization of scripts specifically written for the medium.
Whether your objective is study, entertainment or use as a remedial tool, there are audio books readily available to suit your requirements.
Uses For – And The Convenience Of – Audio Books.
One of the most obvious benefits of the audio book is the benefit to those who suffer from impaired vision. There are others, though, who are unable to read and would benefit hugely from being able to listen – small children and anyone else who has not yet learnt to read. Audio books make education a reality even for the illiterate, but they also offer a world of entertainment, information and knowledge despite people’s inability to read.
For many of us, the audio book gives us an opportunity to catch up on some “reading” in situations where we don’t normally use a book. Driving a car, for example, particularly if you are cursed with peak hour traffic every day. Even using public transport, many people are uncomfortable burying the faces in a book – they want to be alert and see what is happening around them. The audio book is the answer – out with the MP3 player, and you’re conscious of two worlds at once.
If you’re good at multi-tasking, it’s a boon. Listen to your favourite stories, inspirational material, or learn something new while going about routine housekeeping tasks, or any other routine work, for that matter.
The audio book certainly adds an element of convenience to our lives, particularly now that we have such a variety to listen to.
Word count: 440 excluding title.
Keyword density: 13/3%
Secondary keyword: 1
You Know You’re The Best! - So Which Is The Best Online Dating Site For You?
It’s all over the place; advertised on business sites, blogs, affiliate programmes, just about everywhere you surf – the online dating web site. Perish the thought that you might even be interested! But, hey, somewhere a nagging little voice in your mind really wants to just have a look! But which one is the best online dating site for you to explore?
They’re generally free to browse and even to set up a profile. Check out a number of them and browse until one strikes you as being the best online dating site, or at least the one that suits you the best.
In order to find the best online dating site for you, there are some considerations. Location is a big one. Some sites service specific areas like the U.S.A., the U.K. and Australia, when you might be located in Africa, Russia or Korea. Certainly it can be fun to correspond with people in those distant areas, but realistically, the best online dating site for you would have to include the area in which you reside, as well as the far-away places. (Make no mistake, there are people who have packed their belongings and moved to distant shores to join someone they met online – though not always for the best!)
Surf’s Up! I’m Ridin’ The Wave … Now What?
The best online dating site must also be the safest one – one that has the built-in features to protect its members. When you’re surfing, take note of the layout and the design of the site. You’ll realize that a number of them look exactly the same, with different colour combinations and site addresses – but they feature the same people and the same rules and formats. That’s good. There are a few big sites who allow affiliated partners to use their resources under their own names. The registration, rules, features and accounts all lead back to the one “service provider”. Those big sites have the experience and ability to offer you the best, safest experience
Once you’ve identified one of those highly professional ones, that would probably be the best online dating site for you in terms of general safety, multitude of choices, user-friendliness and online help.
Chances are that you will have already set up your profile before you decided that this was your own best online dating site. Now read their terms and conditions, understand their ethical requirements, JOIN your best online dating site, and then refine your profile with the right filters.
Remember that even the best online dating site in the world can still be a hunting ground for predators. You need to exercise caution, a good deal of commonsense and responsibility.
Word Count: 444 excluding title.
Keyword density: 2% = 9
Secondary keywords: 1
They’re generally free to browse and even to set up a profile. Check out a number of them and browse until one strikes you as being the best online dating site, or at least the one that suits you the best.
In order to find the best online dating site for you, there are some considerations. Location is a big one. Some sites service specific areas like the U.S.A., the U.K. and Australia, when you might be located in Africa, Russia or Korea. Certainly it can be fun to correspond with people in those distant areas, but realistically, the best online dating site for you would have to include the area in which you reside, as well as the far-away places. (Make no mistake, there are people who have packed their belongings and moved to distant shores to join someone they met online – though not always for the best!)
Surf’s Up! I’m Ridin’ The Wave … Now What?
The best online dating site must also be the safest one – one that has the built-in features to protect its members. When you’re surfing, take note of the layout and the design of the site. You’ll realize that a number of them look exactly the same, with different colour combinations and site addresses – but they feature the same people and the same rules and formats. That’s good. There are a few big sites who allow affiliated partners to use their resources under their own names. The registration, rules, features and accounts all lead back to the one “service provider”. Those big sites have the experience and ability to offer you the best, safest experience
Once you’ve identified one of those highly professional ones, that would probably be the best online dating site for you in terms of general safety, multitude of choices, user-friendliness and online help.
Chances are that you will have already set up your profile before you decided that this was your own best online dating site. Now read their terms and conditions, understand their ethical requirements, JOIN your best online dating site, and then refine your profile with the right filters.
Remember that even the best online dating site in the world can still be a hunting ground for predators. You need to exercise caution, a good deal of commonsense and responsibility.
Word Count: 444 excluding title.
Keyword density: 2% = 9
Secondary keywords: 1
Truth or Myth? The Free Online Dating Site.
We see it advertised all the time – the free online dating site. Find your ideal partner, for FREE!
The free online dating site certainly is free to browse and to locate that person. When does it stop being a free dating site and turn into a paid dating site? The moment you want to make contact. When your heart is aflutter and the sound of your heartbeat drowns out the blaring TV, when your ears are aching with the rush of blood, when you’ve found that dream and you find the courage to poise your cursor above the “reply” button – that’s the moment.
Click! In order to reply, your free online dating site puts your thrill on hold for a moment. Just a moment, though, while you fill out a form with some details concerning your payment of the membership fees. The fees, however, when you reach that moment, are really not exorbitant at all. In fact, they’re pretty well worth it for the fun you’re going to get out of it, even if it’s just entertainment.
The point is this. You don’t, at this stage, know which is the best online dating site for you to join as a paid member. So you join the free online dating site while you do some window shopping. There’s no limit to how many you join for free, except for the time it takes to browse them all, and possibly your bandwidth limits.
How Much Can You Do For Free?
A great deal, in fact. Even the free online dating site wants you to set up your profile when you join. For good reason. In order to calculate your best matches, it needs to know something about you and about your requirements. You can browse to your heart’s delight, but if you want to the site to be able to calculate the best matches, it has to have something to measure it by.
There are thousands of people registered. You could browse ad nauseum, with much of your efforts a waste of your time for any number of logistical reasons. To get the right results, you really want to be able to filter the searches according to your requirements, over and above age and gender.
Register on the free online dating site and set up a name and profile. Once you have explored a number of them, you’ll get to decide which one is the best online dating site for you to join and become a fee-paying member, if any.
The free online dating site is certainly a reality, and the right place to start, especially if you are uncertain about whether it’s your thing or not.
Word Count: 445 excluding title.
Keyword density: 2% = 9
Secondary keywords: 2
The free online dating site certainly is free to browse and to locate that person. When does it stop being a free dating site and turn into a paid dating site? The moment you want to make contact. When your heart is aflutter and the sound of your heartbeat drowns out the blaring TV, when your ears are aching with the rush of blood, when you’ve found that dream and you find the courage to poise your cursor above the “reply” button – that’s the moment.
Click! In order to reply, your free online dating site puts your thrill on hold for a moment. Just a moment, though, while you fill out a form with some details concerning your payment of the membership fees. The fees, however, when you reach that moment, are really not exorbitant at all. In fact, they’re pretty well worth it for the fun you’re going to get out of it, even if it’s just entertainment.
The point is this. You don’t, at this stage, know which is the best online dating site for you to join as a paid member. So you join the free online dating site while you do some window shopping. There’s no limit to how many you join for free, except for the time it takes to browse them all, and possibly your bandwidth limits.
How Much Can You Do For Free?
A great deal, in fact. Even the free online dating site wants you to set up your profile when you join. For good reason. In order to calculate your best matches, it needs to know something about you and about your requirements. You can browse to your heart’s delight, but if you want to the site to be able to calculate the best matches, it has to have something to measure it by.
There are thousands of people registered. You could browse ad nauseum, with much of your efforts a waste of your time for any number of logistical reasons. To get the right results, you really want to be able to filter the searches according to your requirements, over and above age and gender.
Register on the free online dating site and set up a name and profile. Once you have explored a number of them, you’ll get to decide which one is the best online dating site for you to join and become a fee-paying member, if any.
The free online dating site is certainly a reality, and the right place to start, especially if you are uncertain about whether it’s your thing or not.
Word Count: 445 excluding title.
Keyword density: 2% = 9
Secondary keywords: 2
Today’s Watering Hole - The Online Dating Site
The traditional watering holes where people gather to meet are all still intact. The clubs, the pubs, the social groups, the hobby forums. They’re all still there and as good – or bad – as they ever were; but by far the most popular meeting ground these days is the online dating site. It’s by no means the new kid on the block anymore. The online dating site has been around for a long time, but at this stage it is no longer the novelty that it once was. It has been well and truly tried and tested.
On social networking sites, the motivations for joining are as varied as the people joining them. Are they there to advertise their blogs, their online businesses, their art or hobbies, or just making friends around the globe? It’s all good; but if it’s meeting people for the sake of dating that you’re after, then the online dating site is unambiguous. Log onto an online dating site, and you know precisely what you are doing there, and the same applies to everyone else. No misunderstandings.
It’s quite true that the online dating site is a well-known hunting ground for predators. There again, so are the pubs and clubs. The online community has matured a great deal since the early days. Well….. put it this way, we’ve been around long enough now to have become more “street-wise” on the highways and byways of cyberspace. More importantly, in the case of the online dating site, on the pavements and side streets of cyberspace!
So How Safe Are They?
How safe is your car trip to the club? Accessing the online dating site from the security of your home must be safer. More importantly, how safe is your ride home? Not as safe as logging out of the online dating site. What are your chances of getting wasted at the physical site and making bad – very bad – decisions? At least, when you’re visiting an online dating site, you’re in a position to make sober decisions. You could be wasted at home too, but that’s your choice, it’s not because you feel obliged to drink, or obligated to the minimum expense for frequenting the place.
On the subject of expense, as far as I’m aware, it is a free online dating site as long as you are browsing, which you can do to your heart’s content. Once you want to begin replying to ads, then there is a joining fee attached. In most cases, it’s not a lot in comparison with the price of fuel!
From that point on, however, all the laws of prudence and appropriate safety measures when setting up meetings apply as in all dating situations.
Word count: 450 excluding title.
Keyword density 2% = 9
Secondary keyword: 1
On social networking sites, the motivations for joining are as varied as the people joining them. Are they there to advertise their blogs, their online businesses, their art or hobbies, or just making friends around the globe? It’s all good; but if it’s meeting people for the sake of dating that you’re after, then the online dating site is unambiguous. Log onto an online dating site, and you know precisely what you are doing there, and the same applies to everyone else. No misunderstandings.
It’s quite true that the online dating site is a well-known hunting ground for predators. There again, so are the pubs and clubs. The online community has matured a great deal since the early days. Well….. put it this way, we’ve been around long enough now to have become more “street-wise” on the highways and byways of cyberspace. More importantly, in the case of the online dating site, on the pavements and side streets of cyberspace!
So How Safe Are They?
How safe is your car trip to the club? Accessing the online dating site from the security of your home must be safer. More importantly, how safe is your ride home? Not as safe as logging out of the online dating site. What are your chances of getting wasted at the physical site and making bad – very bad – decisions? At least, when you’re visiting an online dating site, you’re in a position to make sober decisions. You could be wasted at home too, but that’s your choice, it’s not because you feel obliged to drink, or obligated to the minimum expense for frequenting the place.
On the subject of expense, as far as I’m aware, it is a free online dating site as long as you are browsing, which you can do to your heart’s content. Once you want to begin replying to ads, then there is a joining fee attached. In most cases, it’s not a lot in comparison with the price of fuel!
From that point on, however, all the laws of prudence and appropriate safety measures when setting up meetings apply as in all dating situations.
Word count: 450 excluding title.
Keyword density 2% = 9
Secondary keyword: 1
Sports Injuries: Cure For Achilles Tendonitis.
Achilles tendonitis accounts for over 10% of running injuries. The Achilles tendon is the large tendon at the back of the ankle, and powers your takeoff. There’s a relatively poor blood supply there, so when it becomes inflamed, healing can be slow. Inflammation can occur from overuse, training too much or running on hard surfaces or up hills.
Your home cure for Achilles tendonitis is to apply cold therapy, like an ice pack, and use a heel pad to take some of the strain off the tendon. Then see a doctor provide additional assistance in the cure for Achilles tendonitis. He will probably prescribe an anti-inflammatory medication, such as ibuprofen, or a similar product generally used for the cure of Achilles tendonitis. It may be necessary to tape the tendon, or even to apply a cast if the condition is severe enough.
A sports therapist could apply sports massage techniques, and he could also help you to change your training methods.
If you’re averse to the use of medications, there is such a thing as a tendonitis natural treatment, where natural substances such as MSM – organic sulphur – can be used in the cure of Achilles tendonitis as well. Consult your natural remedy specialist on that one.
The Best Cure Of Achilles Tendonitis Is Prevention.
That’s a terribly obvious statement, but once you’ve suffered the affliction and realized how long it can take to heal, you’ll probably agree readily that your personal cure of Achilles tendonitis is to be conscious of the threat of it while you’re in a training situation!
However, as the healing is a long process, you’ll probably begin training again some time before the process is complete, so you will have to take steps to assist in the body’s process in its cure of Achilles tendonitis.
Some of the aids you could apply are:
Cold therapy wraps to apply cold and decompression, which reduces pain levels.
Arch support insoles, which provide a firm support to the foot and prevent twisting.
A slant board, which helps to apply an accurate stretch to the calf muscles.
Achilles tendon straps, which wrap around your ankle and provide a gentle pressure to the tendon, educing shock and tension.
Heel pads, to shorten the calf muscles and relieve stress on the tendon.
A night splint. This is used at night to apply a gentle stretch and prevent a tightening of the tendon.
The cure of Achilles tendonitis is a process, but the nature of the injury and its long healing process should encourage you to treat that tendon with the utmost respect in your training program.
Keyword: cure for achilles tendonitis *( tendonitis natural treatment )
Word Count: 434
Keyword density: 8 / 1.8%
Your home cure for Achilles tendonitis is to apply cold therapy, like an ice pack, and use a heel pad to take some of the strain off the tendon. Then see a doctor provide additional assistance in the cure for Achilles tendonitis. He will probably prescribe an anti-inflammatory medication, such as ibuprofen, or a similar product generally used for the cure of Achilles tendonitis. It may be necessary to tape the tendon, or even to apply a cast if the condition is severe enough.
A sports therapist could apply sports massage techniques, and he could also help you to change your training methods.
If you’re averse to the use of medications, there is such a thing as a tendonitis natural treatment, where natural substances such as MSM – organic sulphur – can be used in the cure of Achilles tendonitis as well. Consult your natural remedy specialist on that one.
The Best Cure Of Achilles Tendonitis Is Prevention.
That’s a terribly obvious statement, but once you’ve suffered the affliction and realized how long it can take to heal, you’ll probably agree readily that your personal cure of Achilles tendonitis is to be conscious of the threat of it while you’re in a training situation!
However, as the healing is a long process, you’ll probably begin training again some time before the process is complete, so you will have to take steps to assist in the body’s process in its cure of Achilles tendonitis.
Some of the aids you could apply are:
Cold therapy wraps to apply cold and decompression, which reduces pain levels.
Arch support insoles, which provide a firm support to the foot and prevent twisting.
A slant board, which helps to apply an accurate stretch to the calf muscles.
Achilles tendon straps, which wrap around your ankle and provide a gentle pressure to the tendon, educing shock and tension.
Heel pads, to shorten the calf muscles and relieve stress on the tendon.
A night splint. This is used at night to apply a gentle stretch and prevent a tightening of the tendon.
The cure of Achilles tendonitis is a process, but the nature of the injury and its long healing process should encourage you to treat that tendon with the utmost respect in your training program.
Keyword: cure for achilles tendonitis *( tendonitis natural treatment )
Word Count: 434
Keyword density: 8 / 1.8%
Beginner Bodybuilding Workout Don’t Try Shortcuts.
You have a friend who does bodybuilding, so you’ll just copy his routine? Don’t. You want your endeavour to succeed; don’t torpedo it right from the start. Start with a beginner bodybuilding workout. Sports injuries are no joke. Remember training at school for that marathon or cross-country event that everyone would be watching? Then spending the night before the event desperately looking for quick cure for achilles tendonitis? Injuries hurt. You’re trying to feel better, not worse.
Ironically, causing limited damage is part of the bodybuilding process, but it’s controlled! When you start out with a beginner bodybuilding workout, you can train more often than the more experienced and more advanced people can. Why? As you get more experienced, you push your body harder and inflict more damage, which takes the body longer to recover from! Great, so you’re injuring yourself on purpose? Yup. You’re inflicting limited damage to the muscle, which makes the body repair the damage, and it overcompensates slightly – or grows - in preparation for future workouts! So you’re starting a cycle of damage and recovery, session after session.
The experienced bodybuilder learns to push his muscles, but he knows where his limits are. He incurs fair damage and needs that recovery period. The beginner on a beginner bodybuilding workout, on the other hand, gets pretty sore, but doesn’t inflict the same amount of damage, and recovers faster. Now you know – so ensure you get plenty of rest and sleep to help your body to recover.
Establishing A Beginner Bodybuilding Workout.
To establish a beginner bodybuilding workout that’s right for you, your trainer will look you over, weigh you, check your height and relation between height and weight, establish your percentage body fat, check blood pressure, and so on. When he’s appraised you, he’ll work out the appropriate beginner bodybuilding workout for you.
You’ll be able to start training three or preferably four times a week, alternating the muscle groups you’re working on, so that you’re probably training each muscle perhaps twice a week.
Even in a beginner bodybuilding workout, it is very important to start your routine with warm-up or stretching exercises. Chances are that they’ll start you with some cardio-vascular activities – the cycle one day, the treadmill the next time, followed by some rowing, or similar, before you get to the weights and your circuit training.
A well supervised beginner bodybuilding workout routine will build you in a pleasant, positive manner, limiting the muscle damage to what is required for growth, without causing severe damage that will prohibit your development later.
Don’t be ‘cavalier’ about your training. Start with a beginner bodybuilding workout and enjoy the fruits of planned, pleasant and sustained growth.
Keyword: beginner bodybuilding workout *( natural bodybuilding workout )
Word Count: 448
Keyword Density: 9 / 2.0%
Ironically, causing limited damage is part of the bodybuilding process, but it’s controlled! When you start out with a beginner bodybuilding workout, you can train more often than the more experienced and more advanced people can. Why? As you get more experienced, you push your body harder and inflict more damage, which takes the body longer to recover from! Great, so you’re injuring yourself on purpose? Yup. You’re inflicting limited damage to the muscle, which makes the body repair the damage, and it overcompensates slightly – or grows - in preparation for future workouts! So you’re starting a cycle of damage and recovery, session after session.
The experienced bodybuilder learns to push his muscles, but he knows where his limits are. He incurs fair damage and needs that recovery period. The beginner on a beginner bodybuilding workout, on the other hand, gets pretty sore, but doesn’t inflict the same amount of damage, and recovers faster. Now you know – so ensure you get plenty of rest and sleep to help your body to recover.
Establishing A Beginner Bodybuilding Workout.
To establish a beginner bodybuilding workout that’s right for you, your trainer will look you over, weigh you, check your height and relation between height and weight, establish your percentage body fat, check blood pressure, and so on. When he’s appraised you, he’ll work out the appropriate beginner bodybuilding workout for you.
You’ll be able to start training three or preferably four times a week, alternating the muscle groups you’re working on, so that you’re probably training each muscle perhaps twice a week.
Even in a beginner bodybuilding workout, it is very important to start your routine with warm-up or stretching exercises. Chances are that they’ll start you with some cardio-vascular activities – the cycle one day, the treadmill the next time, followed by some rowing, or similar, before you get to the weights and your circuit training.
A well supervised beginner bodybuilding workout routine will build you in a pleasant, positive manner, limiting the muscle damage to what is required for growth, without causing severe damage that will prohibit your development later.
Don’t be ‘cavalier’ about your training. Start with a beginner bodybuilding workout and enjoy the fruits of planned, pleasant and sustained growth.
Keyword: beginner bodybuilding workout *( natural bodybuilding workout )
Word Count: 448
Keyword Density: 9 / 2.0%
Natural Bodybuilding Workout: Forget Those Steroids.
By definition, ‘natural bodybuilding’ is building your body to its greatest potential without using steroids, or other growth-enhancing drugs, to achieve this goal.
A natural bodybuilding workout should be designed with some knowledge of the subject, or under the supervision of a trainer. Particularly when we start out, we tend to push ourselves too far, risking injury. In any natural bodybuilding workout, we need to establish a routine that pushes our bodies hard enough to gain the growth, without diminishing our goals by inflicting injury.
Using steroids to attain faster growth instead persevering with the natural bodybuilding workout may seem like an attractive alternative while we’re huffing and puffing, but make no mistake, there are side effects that could destroy your false sense of achievement. Joseph Krachenfels, in his article “Natural Bodybuilding Discussed”, lists some of the side effects of anabolic steroids as acne, baldness, headaches, kidney problems, impotence, high blood pressure and soft tissues injuries. Not worth it. Steady, sustained growth with proper bodybuilding nutrition is the way to go for a clean, healthy, happy life.
Despite your initial enthusiasm, during your natural bodybuilding workout, don’t over train. Muscle or tissue injury and / or exhaustion is neither beneficial nor encouraging. ‘Success’ is in every session done properly and safely, not in the punishment you can take. Warm up before you start your natural bodybuilding workout with stretching exercises and some cardio-vascular, like a few minutes on the treadmill.
Vary your exercises to include all the muscle groups – and focus on doing them properly. Swinging your body to achieve a lift is using your weight instead of your muscles. Concentrate on form rather than weight.
Proper nutrition, proper sleep and a healthy attitude, as well as your natural bodybuilding workout, could just turn you into the person you’re been longing to be.
Don’t Try My Natural Bodybuilding Workout!
My own natural bodybuilding workout went something like this:
Position: armchair. Six-pack on the stomach. (I presumed that was to keep me from swinging my body to lift the weights.) Grasp a beer can in the right hand, (being careful to alternate hands after each set) then slowly lifted to the mouth, keeping the elbow steady, and then lowering it again to the starting position.
My arms definitely got stronger during the routine, because the cans seemed to get progressively lighter. But I gave it up – the stomach became too well developed.
Note of caution: Ladies, if your partner is balding, carrying too much soft tissue, goes to the loo four time a night and claims to have a headache when you’re all coy – please don’t accuse him of using steroids! There could be another cause.
Keyword: natural bodybuilding workout *( bodybuilding nutrition )
Word Count: 446
Keyword density: 8 / 1.8%
A natural bodybuilding workout should be designed with some knowledge of the subject, or under the supervision of a trainer. Particularly when we start out, we tend to push ourselves too far, risking injury. In any natural bodybuilding workout, we need to establish a routine that pushes our bodies hard enough to gain the growth, without diminishing our goals by inflicting injury.
Using steroids to attain faster growth instead persevering with the natural bodybuilding workout may seem like an attractive alternative while we’re huffing and puffing, but make no mistake, there are side effects that could destroy your false sense of achievement. Joseph Krachenfels, in his article “Natural Bodybuilding Discussed”, lists some of the side effects of anabolic steroids as acne, baldness, headaches, kidney problems, impotence, high blood pressure and soft tissues injuries. Not worth it. Steady, sustained growth with proper bodybuilding nutrition is the way to go for a clean, healthy, happy life.
Despite your initial enthusiasm, during your natural bodybuilding workout, don’t over train. Muscle or tissue injury and / or exhaustion is neither beneficial nor encouraging. ‘Success’ is in every session done properly and safely, not in the punishment you can take. Warm up before you start your natural bodybuilding workout with stretching exercises and some cardio-vascular, like a few minutes on the treadmill.
Vary your exercises to include all the muscle groups – and focus on doing them properly. Swinging your body to achieve a lift is using your weight instead of your muscles. Concentrate on form rather than weight.
Proper nutrition, proper sleep and a healthy attitude, as well as your natural bodybuilding workout, could just turn you into the person you’re been longing to be.
Don’t Try My Natural Bodybuilding Workout!
My own natural bodybuilding workout went something like this:
Position: armchair. Six-pack on the stomach. (I presumed that was to keep me from swinging my body to lift the weights.) Grasp a beer can in the right hand, (being careful to alternate hands after each set) then slowly lifted to the mouth, keeping the elbow steady, and then lowering it again to the starting position.
My arms definitely got stronger during the routine, because the cans seemed to get progressively lighter. But I gave it up – the stomach became too well developed.
Note of caution: Ladies, if your partner is balding, carrying too much soft tissue, goes to the loo four time a night and claims to have a headache when you’re all coy – please don’t accuse him of using steroids! There could be another cause.
Keyword: natural bodybuilding workout *( bodybuilding nutrition )
Word Count: 446
Keyword density: 8 / 1.8%
Bodybuilding Chest Workout: Combatting The Rum And Maple!
It all feels good, but, for me, exercising some muscle groups is a lot more enjoyable than others. I do not enjoy leg exercises! Worst for me are the calves. Running has always been a form of torture to me, so I guess it makes sense that the parts that were never developed would be the least enjoyable to work on.
In case it isn’t already obvious, I am no dedicated bodybuilder. My enthusiasm comes and goes at more or less regular intervals. I am not competitive. However, that doesn’t mean that I cannot thoroughly enjoy my time at the gym and luxuriate in the feeling of getting those tired, flagging, muscles working again and opening up the old arteries. Even if it means that I never progress beyond the beginner bodybuilding workout stage. The joy is not in the competition; it’s in the moment.
As I was saying, I enjoy some more than others, and I probably enjoy the bodybuilding chest workout the most. The feeling of those chest exercises gets my blood rushing and the heart feeling really good. They get my vote for the routines I enjoy the most. And more than any other, the bodybuilding chest workout gets those lungs opened up and feeling strong, instead of winded and gagging.
Some of the other routines leave me feeling punished and even resentful (dumb, I know), but the reward is in getting to do the others! The bodybuilding chest workout isn’t the only one I enjoy – don’t get that idea! I’m not fixating on bodybuilding chest workouts to the exclusion of anything else. Some workouts may not be firm favourites to look forward to, but while I’m doing them, I enjoy them. Others I really look forward to, then while I’m doing them, I wonder why!
As I said, it’s all good.
Back To The Bodybuilding Chest Workout.
Obviously one alternates, but bench press is one of my favourites in any bodybuilding chest workout. On the bench, the wide grip, the narrow grip and the decline bench press. And, of course, dumbbell flyes on a flat bench, an inclined and a declined bench.
Can’t escape the crossover cables in a bodybuilding chest workout, the high crossover cables for the lower pecs and inner pecs, and the low crossover cables for those difficult inner pecs. Nice change after the pushing and squeezing to be pulling for a change! The first few feel like a comparative holiday, until the pecs start objecting.
Then back to pressing in the seated chest presses.
Perhaps the bodybuilding chest workout isn’t all fun after all – but that exhilarating feeling of complete free flow afterwards is SO worth the pain!
Keyword: bodybuilding chest workout *( beginner bodybuilding workout )
Word count: 446
Keyword Density: 8 / 1.8%
In case it isn’t already obvious, I am no dedicated bodybuilder. My enthusiasm comes and goes at more or less regular intervals. I am not competitive. However, that doesn’t mean that I cannot thoroughly enjoy my time at the gym and luxuriate in the feeling of getting those tired, flagging, muscles working again and opening up the old arteries. Even if it means that I never progress beyond the beginner bodybuilding workout stage. The joy is not in the competition; it’s in the moment.
As I was saying, I enjoy some more than others, and I probably enjoy the bodybuilding chest workout the most. The feeling of those chest exercises gets my blood rushing and the heart feeling really good. They get my vote for the routines I enjoy the most. And more than any other, the bodybuilding chest workout gets those lungs opened up and feeling strong, instead of winded and gagging.
Some of the other routines leave me feeling punished and even resentful (dumb, I know), but the reward is in getting to do the others! The bodybuilding chest workout isn’t the only one I enjoy – don’t get that idea! I’m not fixating on bodybuilding chest workouts to the exclusion of anything else. Some workouts may not be firm favourites to look forward to, but while I’m doing them, I enjoy them. Others I really look forward to, then while I’m doing them, I wonder why!
As I said, it’s all good.
Back To The Bodybuilding Chest Workout.
Obviously one alternates, but bench press is one of my favourites in any bodybuilding chest workout. On the bench, the wide grip, the narrow grip and the decline bench press. And, of course, dumbbell flyes on a flat bench, an inclined and a declined bench.
Can’t escape the crossover cables in a bodybuilding chest workout, the high crossover cables for the lower pecs and inner pecs, and the low crossover cables for those difficult inner pecs. Nice change after the pushing and squeezing to be pulling for a change! The first few feel like a comparative holiday, until the pecs start objecting.
Then back to pressing in the seated chest presses.
Perhaps the bodybuilding chest workout isn’t all fun after all – but that exhilarating feeling of complete free flow afterwards is SO worth the pain!
Keyword: bodybuilding chest workout *( beginner bodybuilding workout )
Word count: 446
Keyword Density: 8 / 1.8%
My Black Suede Handbag – A Saga Is Born.
Today I discovered the sensuality of suede. I’d slipped out of the office at lunchtime to buy a bag for an evening function at work, all my existing ones having been ravished by the dog, my child, or my own carelessness. I’d intended to simply pick something serviceable and multifunctional, but an obliging saleslady had introduced me to a neat, sleek, elegant black suede handbag that got me hooked on suede the moment I handled it. From that moment onwards, my black suede handbag became my newest best friend.
When it was time to go home, I tucked my new black suede handbag under my arm and walked out with a new spring in my step.
As I passed the handbag shop, I gazed at the displays, unconsciously stroking my black suede handbag reassuringly like a new puppy I was taking home for the first time. Then I saw it. THAT was my next purchase!
It was only when I saw the alarmed expression of the man walking past me that I realized that I had muttered aloud to the bag under my arm, “That’s your new brother! See? The brown suede handbag on the left shelf? He’ll be home with us soon.”
I flushed, looked down at the pavement steadfastly, and hurried to the bus stop, black suede bag choking to death in an unbreakable armpit clamp.
The Saga Begins: Our Struggle For Survival.
Safely seated on the bus, I loosened my deathlike grip on the bag, then had a frightening thought. What if I was SWEATING? And with that, I started to sweat profusely. I released the bag immediately and grabbed at it with the other hand to see what damage had been done. At that moment, a motorcyclist swung in front of the bus. The bus driver swerved viciously and slammed on the brakes. The bag went skidding down the isle! “My black suede handbag!” I yelled in breaking hysteria. Every face turned to me in astonishment and umpteen hands flew out to rescue the slithering bag. I retrieved it hurriedly from an outstretched hand and regained my seat, once again flushing in shame.
Once home, my attempts to smuggle it into a place of safety proved fruitless. “You got a new thingy!” yelled one of the kids. “It’s NOT a thingy – it’s a black suede handbag! Leave it!” The dog smelled it and started to lift his leg. He escaped neutering by a hair’s breadth.
My black suede handbag eventually scored a safe resting place, which I will not reveal at this time. Rest assured, it WILL be protected. It’s not just a bag, it’s an ally. It’s my black suede handbag.
Word count: 446
Keyword density: 9/2%
Secondary keyword: 1
When it was time to go home, I tucked my new black suede handbag under my arm and walked out with a new spring in my step.
As I passed the handbag shop, I gazed at the displays, unconsciously stroking my black suede handbag reassuringly like a new puppy I was taking home for the first time. Then I saw it. THAT was my next purchase!
It was only when I saw the alarmed expression of the man walking past me that I realized that I had muttered aloud to the bag under my arm, “That’s your new brother! See? The brown suede handbag on the left shelf? He’ll be home with us soon.”
I flushed, looked down at the pavement steadfastly, and hurried to the bus stop, black suede bag choking to death in an unbreakable armpit clamp.
The Saga Begins: Our Struggle For Survival.
Safely seated on the bus, I loosened my deathlike grip on the bag, then had a frightening thought. What if I was SWEATING? And with that, I started to sweat profusely. I released the bag immediately and grabbed at it with the other hand to see what damage had been done. At that moment, a motorcyclist swung in front of the bus. The bus driver swerved viciously and slammed on the brakes. The bag went skidding down the isle! “My black suede handbag!” I yelled in breaking hysteria. Every face turned to me in astonishment and umpteen hands flew out to rescue the slithering bag. I retrieved it hurriedly from an outstretched hand and regained my seat, once again flushing in shame.
Once home, my attempts to smuggle it into a place of safety proved fruitless. “You got a new thingy!” yelled one of the kids. “It’s NOT a thingy – it’s a black suede handbag! Leave it!” The dog smelled it and started to lift his leg. He escaped neutering by a hair’s breadth.
My black suede handbag eventually scored a safe resting place, which I will not reveal at this time. Rest assured, it WILL be protected. It’s not just a bag, it’s an ally. It’s my black suede handbag.
Word count: 446
Keyword density: 9/2%
Secondary keyword: 1
Swayed To Suede My New Suede Handbag.
All I wanted was a handbag. Quick in and out. The dog had eaten the handle from one of my meagre collection, my little child had poured juice into another one, and I had allowed chocolate to melt in a third bag. There was a work-related event one evening the following week, which, it was made abundantly clear, I was expected to attend.
I slipped out of the office during my lunch break with every intention of getting something more-or-less acceptable with little or no fuss. The saleslady was ever so obliging. What, I asked naively, would be a good overall kind of style that would LOOK acceptable under most circumstances?
I picked up a few, turned them over, stroked them without much interest, then looked about vaguely.
“What about this little black suede handbag,” asked the lady?
It pricked my interest immediately. I touched it, I stroked it, pressed it, fondled it – and I was hooked!
“Suede” and “Persueded!” My New Suede Handbag!
It was perfect! Neat and sleek, big enough for the essentials, not too big for a dressy occasion. Neat little pockets to divide contents. But it wasn’t the style that I was hooked on. It was the suede. My suede handbag instantly became my new best friend, my sensual comforter!
I hugged it, I clutched it, I squeezed it all the way back to the office. The traffic and the pedestrian crush was harsh – but my suede handbag was gentle. The lunchtime noise was jarringly irritating, but my suede handbag was soothing and comforting. The work environment was unforgiving, but my suede handbag nuzzled me reassuringly. Sleek as a panther, gentle as a kitten
Back at the office, I placed it down gently – then moved it, and moved it again. Nowhere seemed safe enough. I spent the afternoon being as over protective as a new mother. “Just leave those on my desk, but mind my suede handbag!” “I appreciate the coffee, but DON’T put it near my suede handbag!”
I wouldn’t say that I’m obsessive about it, but if the dog attempts to chew my new suede handbag the way he did that old bag, he is very likely to become a suede handbag himself! (Tempting thought! He’d be so cuddly, with no bad habits! No, don’t go there…anyway, he wouldn’t match much.)
So there you have it. All I wanted was a handbag, a purse, something to clutch relentlessly at a function that wouldn’t be fun. Instead, I acquired a secret friend, a comforter for any occasion. I wasn’t the life of the party, but I will say this: I purred my way through that function with a new-found confidence that amazed my colleagues.
Word Count: 249 excluding title.
Keyword density: 9/2%
Secondary keyword: 1
I slipped out of the office during my lunch break with every intention of getting something more-or-less acceptable with little or no fuss. The saleslady was ever so obliging. What, I asked naively, would be a good overall kind of style that would LOOK acceptable under most circumstances?
I picked up a few, turned them over, stroked them without much interest, then looked about vaguely.
“What about this little black suede handbag,” asked the lady?
It pricked my interest immediately. I touched it, I stroked it, pressed it, fondled it – and I was hooked!
“Suede” and “Persueded!” My New Suede Handbag!
It was perfect! Neat and sleek, big enough for the essentials, not too big for a dressy occasion. Neat little pockets to divide contents. But it wasn’t the style that I was hooked on. It was the suede. My suede handbag instantly became my new best friend, my sensual comforter!
I hugged it, I clutched it, I squeezed it all the way back to the office. The traffic and the pedestrian crush was harsh – but my suede handbag was gentle. The lunchtime noise was jarringly irritating, but my suede handbag was soothing and comforting. The work environment was unforgiving, but my suede handbag nuzzled me reassuringly. Sleek as a panther, gentle as a kitten
Back at the office, I placed it down gently – then moved it, and moved it again. Nowhere seemed safe enough. I spent the afternoon being as over protective as a new mother. “Just leave those on my desk, but mind my suede handbag!” “I appreciate the coffee, but DON’T put it near my suede handbag!”
I wouldn’t say that I’m obsessive about it, but if the dog attempts to chew my new suede handbag the way he did that old bag, he is very likely to become a suede handbag himself! (Tempting thought! He’d be so cuddly, with no bad habits! No, don’t go there…anyway, he wouldn’t match much.)
So there you have it. All I wanted was a handbag, a purse, something to clutch relentlessly at a function that wouldn’t be fun. Instead, I acquired a secret friend, a comforter for any occasion. I wasn’t the life of the party, but I will say this: I purred my way through that function with a new-found confidence that amazed my colleagues.
Word Count: 249 excluding title.
Keyword density: 9/2%
Secondary keyword: 1
Bring Your Old Pics into the Digital Age With the Digital Film Scanner.
Here’s a product that I’m REALLY glad to have found. I’m getting, what you might call, a little “long in the tooth”. That means that I have (a) a veritable archive of personal photographic history in the form of film, slides and negatives and (b) I don’t have the youngsters’ flair for getting to grips with complicated digital technology to convert those archives to something digital.
The Digital Film Scanner is a great solution. It’s so easy to do the conversion that even I can do it without yelling for help from the kids. Now even I can put my grandfather’s face on a coffee mug, or capture my most embarrassing moment on a T-shirt!
This scanner comes with holders for both slides and negatives. Simply place them in the holder and press “Copy”. It’s that easy. The images are scanned with a 5 MegaPixel SMOS sensor, and saved as either TIFF or JPEGs on your computer. Software is provided for editing your photos, so you can resize, crop, touch up, or whatever.
The size is 17 x 8 x 8 cms. It scans both monochrome and colour images (3600dpi image enhancement). There are two clip-together holders, one strip for six negatives and the other holds three slides. There’s the software CD and software to edit your pictures. A USB cable is included.
My father left me a series of photo albums including pictures of great-grandparents, and up the line to our times. He left 35mm film of his 13th birthday, in 1930. I’ve often wanted to convert those into digital form and place them on a social networking site or Glog, so that family members across the globe could have access to them at any time. I reckon that this Digital Film Scanner could make that wish a reality.
The Digital Film Scanner is a great solution. It’s so easy to do the conversion that even I can do it without yelling for help from the kids. Now even I can put my grandfather’s face on a coffee mug, or capture my most embarrassing moment on a T-shirt!
This scanner comes with holders for both slides and negatives. Simply place them in the holder and press “Copy”. It’s that easy. The images are scanned with a 5 MegaPixel SMOS sensor, and saved as either TIFF or JPEGs on your computer. Software is provided for editing your photos, so you can resize, crop, touch up, or whatever.
The size is 17 x 8 x 8 cms. It scans both monochrome and colour images (3600dpi image enhancement). There are two clip-together holders, one strip for six negatives and the other holds three slides. There’s the software CD and software to edit your pictures. A USB cable is included.
My father left me a series of photo albums including pictures of great-grandparents, and up the line to our times. He left 35mm film of his 13th birthday, in 1930. I’ve often wanted to convert those into digital form and place them on a social networking site or Glog, so that family members across the globe could have access to them at any time. I reckon that this Digital Film Scanner could make that wish a reality.
The Pocket Shower: Your Bathroom in a Bag.
Let’s not be confused. I know that the term “Baby Shower” refers to having a party and receiving gifts for the impending arrival of the new addition to your family. “Pocket Shower”, on the other hand, does NOT refer to your throwing a party and getting gifts because you’ve acquired a new addition to your wardrobe.
The Pocket Shower is literally a fold-up shower that you can stow in your backpack or luggage, and assure yourself of the luxury of a genuine, warm shower in the outdoors at the end of the day’s trail. Whether you’re lucky enough to be in the African Bush, the fair English countryside, enjoying the Continental Coast or the Great American Outdoors, (okay, Mate, or down under in Oz!) - where there is sunshine, there is a warm shower.
This nifty package features a tough black plastic bag – or reservoir - that can hold 10 litres of water, a contoured shower head with graduated apertures to ensure an even spray, and a six meter anchoring cord to secure the shower to a tree or whatever else makes a suitable post.
Unfold the reservoir, fill it with water, and within a short while the black plastic will absorb enough warmth from the sun to ensure a fresh, warm shower of up to about seven minutes!
No need to feel grubby and sweaty anymore after that day in the sun. Freshen up with your Pocket Shower, and then settle down to relaxed sundowners while you watch the sun set. Your shower will leave enough room in your luggage to pack those liquid refreshments, so necessary to a satisfactory sunset – the size is 13 x 8 x 4,5cms.
Word Count: 280 excluding title.
The Pocket Shower is literally a fold-up shower that you can stow in your backpack or luggage, and assure yourself of the luxury of a genuine, warm shower in the outdoors at the end of the day’s trail. Whether you’re lucky enough to be in the African Bush, the fair English countryside, enjoying the Continental Coast or the Great American Outdoors, (okay, Mate, or down under in Oz!) - where there is sunshine, there is a warm shower.
This nifty package features a tough black plastic bag – or reservoir - that can hold 10 litres of water, a contoured shower head with graduated apertures to ensure an even spray, and a six meter anchoring cord to secure the shower to a tree or whatever else makes a suitable post.
Unfold the reservoir, fill it with water, and within a short while the black plastic will absorb enough warmth from the sun to ensure a fresh, warm shower of up to about seven minutes!
No need to feel grubby and sweaty anymore after that day in the sun. Freshen up with your Pocket Shower, and then settle down to relaxed sundowners while you watch the sun set. Your shower will leave enough room in your luggage to pack those liquid refreshments, so necessary to a satisfactory sunset – the size is 13 x 8 x 4,5cms.
Word Count: 280 excluding title.
Combat Road Rage With an LED Car Sign.
We know how the most placid of people can turn into red-faced, raging, road-rogues in seconds, when they’re behind the steering wheel of a car. It happens to all of us. Whether we’d like to admit it or not, there are even those occasions when we are the ones at fault.
When we do something wrong – it’s never on purpose, of course – even we get angry with the driver who is angry with us. After all, we didn’t mean it. Yet, I’ve noticed how quickly someone’s building road rage can abate – or at least be checked – by a speedy and genuine apology from us, when we do make a mistake.
Furthermore, I’ve noticed how much people do appreciate being thanked for letting one in, giving way, or helping out in some way. Even when they don’t actually acknowledge your thanks, one sees by their attitude that they’re glad you did it. Most, however, will smile and feel glad that they showed you that courtesy.
With the LED car sign, it’s that much easier to send a simple message to the driver behind you, and more fun for both parties. The LED unit is affixed to the rear window by a sucker (no, I don’t mean you) and the remote wireless unit is installed in front. There are five different messages that you can light up on the LED by simply pressing the corresponding button on your remote: a Smiley Face, a Winking Face, “Thanks”, “Back Off” or “Sorry”. (Probably a good idea to follow “Back Up” with a quick “Thanks”!)
Simple messages, but I think effective in making your drive and those of others just a little more pleasant. Somehow, it changes both parties from being potential mortal enemies to being co-road users with a common purpose. Simple, but effective.
Word Count: 300 excluding title.
When we do something wrong – it’s never on purpose, of course – even we get angry with the driver who is angry with us. After all, we didn’t mean it. Yet, I’ve noticed how quickly someone’s building road rage can abate – or at least be checked – by a speedy and genuine apology from us, when we do make a mistake.
Furthermore, I’ve noticed how much people do appreciate being thanked for letting one in, giving way, or helping out in some way. Even when they don’t actually acknowledge your thanks, one sees by their attitude that they’re glad you did it. Most, however, will smile and feel glad that they showed you that courtesy.
With the LED car sign, it’s that much easier to send a simple message to the driver behind you, and more fun for both parties. The LED unit is affixed to the rear window by a sucker (no, I don’t mean you) and the remote wireless unit is installed in front. There are five different messages that you can light up on the LED by simply pressing the corresponding button on your remote: a Smiley Face, a Winking Face, “Thanks”, “Back Off” or “Sorry”. (Probably a good idea to follow “Back Up” with a quick “Thanks”!)
Simple messages, but I think effective in making your drive and those of others just a little more pleasant. Somehow, it changes both parties from being potential mortal enemies to being co-road users with a common purpose. Simple, but effective.
Word Count: 300 excluding title.
Seascooter GTi Enhance Those Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Summer.
No doubt about it – there’s little to beat the peace of snorkelling lazily over coral reefs with the occasional lazy kick of the flippers. But that experience could be greatly enhanced by the acquisition of a nifty little machine called the Seascooter GTi.
Small, compact and lightweight (18 lbs or 8.4kg), you simply hang onto the handle bars and let it pull you along while you focus on the spectacle below or around you. It can reach a speed of up to 2.5mph (or 4kph) and, if you’re equipped with the appropriate diving gear, dive to about 100 feet. It’s tested to 115ft/35m, rated 100ft/30m.
This is a very neatly made little machine indeed. Very manoeuvrable, it has adjustable buoyancy, protective grilles, auto shut-off and dual trigger control. Run time is about two hours. Size-wise, it’s 60 x 37 x 31cms and comes in a hardy carry case. All very neat indeed.
I know how easy it is to get carried away by the beauty and the moment when snorkelling. You’re doing absolutely fine. You see a fish or a shoal and follow it just a little way. Then you see something else, which leads you a little further away. Then a rock formation promises a hidden treasure of sea life. Eventually, when you start to weary, you can find yourself a long way from where you thought you were. That’s the time when it would be super to have your little sea scooter to switch on and give you a ride back to your starting point. Or, of course, you could conserve energy from the outset and let the sea scooter do all the work – just watch your time so that you don’t have to give IT a ride home!
Word Count: 291 excluding title.
Small, compact and lightweight (18 lbs or 8.4kg), you simply hang onto the handle bars and let it pull you along while you focus on the spectacle below or around you. It can reach a speed of up to 2.5mph (or 4kph) and, if you’re equipped with the appropriate diving gear, dive to about 100 feet. It’s tested to 115ft/35m, rated 100ft/30m.
This is a very neatly made little machine indeed. Very manoeuvrable, it has adjustable buoyancy, protective grilles, auto shut-off and dual trigger control. Run time is about two hours. Size-wise, it’s 60 x 37 x 31cms and comes in a hardy carry case. All very neat indeed.
I know how easy it is to get carried away by the beauty and the moment when snorkelling. You’re doing absolutely fine. You see a fish or a shoal and follow it just a little way. Then you see something else, which leads you a little further away. Then a rock formation promises a hidden treasure of sea life. Eventually, when you start to weary, you can find yourself a long way from where you thought you were. That’s the time when it would be super to have your little sea scooter to switch on and give you a ride back to your starting point. Or, of course, you could conserve energy from the outset and let the sea scooter do all the work – just watch your time so that you don’t have to give IT a ride home!
Word Count: 291 excluding title.
RolerBall! Or… May I Have My Ball Back? My Brother’s Inside.
Remember how, as kids, we used to lie down at the top of a slope and then roll downhill, squealing with delight? Well, now we can enter a gigantic transparent ball and roll down the slope, just squealing.
“I want to, but I don’t”, is probably the most common reaction you’ll hear if you get one of these. It’s a gigantic, transparent plastic, double skinned, inflatable ball, three meters high when inflated. It has a circular opening where one can enter its bowels. The opening is sealed once the participants are inside. Inside the ball are two harnesses to strap you in. (Please note, maximum weight is 200 kgs).Strapped inside, you aim the ball down a gentle slope and roll your way to nausea.
Cushioned by the air compressed between the two layers of skins, it’s quite safe for adults, but there are definitely safety procedures to follow. Firstly, it’s not for kids – and when it’s deflated, pack it away carefully and safely to protect kids. It’s also not for people with adverse medical conditions.
The RolerBall is designed to use on land only. Use it on gentle gradients – no steep slopes – and make certain that there is enough flat land at the end of the roll for the ball to come to a stop. Also ensure that the path of the ball is safe and clear of potentially harmful obstacles. (A puncture repair kit is included.) Never use it alone.
Sounds like more warnings than fun – and we haven’t even mentioned using it on private land, avoiding areas near highways, and so on. It is a potentially dangerous sport and needs to be practiced responsibly – but as long as you are responsible and careful, it looks like a whole lotta fun!
Word Count: 292 excluding title.
“I want to, but I don’t”, is probably the most common reaction you’ll hear if you get one of these. It’s a gigantic, transparent plastic, double skinned, inflatable ball, three meters high when inflated. It has a circular opening where one can enter its bowels. The opening is sealed once the participants are inside. Inside the ball are two harnesses to strap you in. (Please note, maximum weight is 200 kgs).Strapped inside, you aim the ball down a gentle slope and roll your way to nausea.
Cushioned by the air compressed between the two layers of skins, it’s quite safe for adults, but there are definitely safety procedures to follow. Firstly, it’s not for kids – and when it’s deflated, pack it away carefully and safely to protect kids. It’s also not for people with adverse medical conditions.
The RolerBall is designed to use on land only. Use it on gentle gradients – no steep slopes – and make certain that there is enough flat land at the end of the roll for the ball to come to a stop. Also ensure that the path of the ball is safe and clear of potentially harmful obstacles. (A puncture repair kit is included.) Never use it alone.
Sounds like more warnings than fun – and we haven’t even mentioned using it on private land, avoiding areas near highways, and so on. It is a potentially dangerous sport and needs to be practiced responsibly – but as long as you are responsible and careful, it looks like a whole lotta fun!
Word Count: 292 excluding title.
“No ‘Buts’, Young Man, Tidy Your Desk!” The Desk Top Butt Station.
I suppose you would call it the bottom end of technology – but this little desk organizer appeals to the lighter side of me. You can store just about anything on your computer, but until someone shows me how to load my paper clips and pens onto my PC, I need somewhere practical to keep them.
It needs a picture to do it justice. It’s a little white toilet. The cistern has an open top, which will hold a few pens (or any other small objects, of course). Between the cistern and the seat is a slot, ideal for your Post-It notes or a small notepad. The toilet bowl is designed for your paper clips.
But That’s Not All! (As the ads love to say.) There’s a little figure designed to sit on the bowl; a colourful little soul available in orange or green. His butt is magnetized, to attract the paper clips! You’ll never have trouble trying to pick up those paper clips again – just turn him upside down and detach one! His arm is held horizontally in front of his chest, with a roller on which to mount a roll of adhesive tape (looks rather like a roll of toilet paper). Ever obliging, his feet contain the little serrated piece of metal used to cut the adhesive tape.
Interestingly, his mouth is designed to hold a pen horizontally, making it easy to get to your favourite – or most used – pen. I say interestingly, because it looks rather as if he is biting down on the pen with a rather agonized look on his face. I guess it figures; you would too if you had paper clips where he has them.
It’s designed to be a novelty gift – a talking point in the office; but I love it!
Word Count: 298 excluding title.
It needs a picture to do it justice. It’s a little white toilet. The cistern has an open top, which will hold a few pens (or any other small objects, of course). Between the cistern and the seat is a slot, ideal for your Post-It notes or a small notepad. The toilet bowl is designed for your paper clips.
But That’s Not All! (As the ads love to say.) There’s a little figure designed to sit on the bowl; a colourful little soul available in orange or green. His butt is magnetized, to attract the paper clips! You’ll never have trouble trying to pick up those paper clips again – just turn him upside down and detach one! His arm is held horizontally in front of his chest, with a roller on which to mount a roll of adhesive tape (looks rather like a roll of toilet paper). Ever obliging, his feet contain the little serrated piece of metal used to cut the adhesive tape.
Interestingly, his mouth is designed to hold a pen horizontally, making it easy to get to your favourite – or most used – pen. I say interestingly, because it looks rather as if he is biting down on the pen with a rather agonized look on his face. I guess it figures; you would too if you had paper clips where he has them.
It’s designed to be a novelty gift – a talking point in the office; but I love it!
Word Count: 298 excluding title.
I Spy with My Little – Spy Camera Glasses!
I might be a spy at heart, but I’m no technological genius. I’d have to carry around a special briefcase with instruction manuals, if “Q” ever offered to equip me. However, here’s a REALLY fun gadget that even I don’t need my daughter to instruct me on!
The Spy Camera Glasses. Nice looking pair of shades, a very decent camera and very easy to operate.
The shades themselves seem pretty good. They have polarised lenses with UV400 sun protection, so they’re not just good looking – they work. A set of clear lenses for indoor use is included in the package! A 1.3 megapixel camera, (1280 x 1024 resolution,) is tucked into the arm of the glasses. There’s a remote so that you can take your pictures without having to reach up to the arm. There are even earbud headphones built into the arms, so that you can listen to MP3s while you’re waiting for that “memorable moment”.
Surreptitious pictures aside, this is a cool gadget to have. Whether you’re on a trip or just walking around - or even watching your kids at a school activity - it’s so easy to simply press the arm of your shades – or use the remote – to capture up to 10,000 pictures. (Not to mention snapping the number plates of the guy who has just bashed your fender!)
The battery lasts up to 9 hours, or 6 hours if you’re playing MP3s. A USB cable is included for downloading to your PC. A storage case and cleaning cloth is also included in the kit.
Gimmicky it may be, but it really is a very cool way of having your camera available at all times, and MP3 entertainment thrown in. I’d love a pair to wear under my helmet.
Word Count: 294 excluding title.
The Spy Camera Glasses. Nice looking pair of shades, a very decent camera and very easy to operate.
The shades themselves seem pretty good. They have polarised lenses with UV400 sun protection, so they’re not just good looking – they work. A set of clear lenses for indoor use is included in the package! A 1.3 megapixel camera, (1280 x 1024 resolution,) is tucked into the arm of the glasses. There’s a remote so that you can take your pictures without having to reach up to the arm. There are even earbud headphones built into the arms, so that you can listen to MP3s while you’re waiting for that “memorable moment”.
Surreptitious pictures aside, this is a cool gadget to have. Whether you’re on a trip or just walking around - or even watching your kids at a school activity - it’s so easy to simply press the arm of your shades – or use the remote – to capture up to 10,000 pictures. (Not to mention snapping the number plates of the guy who has just bashed your fender!)
The battery lasts up to 9 hours, or 6 hours if you’re playing MP3s. A USB cable is included for downloading to your PC. A storage case and cleaning cloth is also included in the kit.
Gimmicky it may be, but it really is a very cool way of having your camera available at all times, and MP3 entertainment thrown in. I’d love a pair to wear under my helmet.
Word Count: 294 excluding title.
Pack away the Lavalamp, The Laserpod Supernova is Here!
How well I remember the sixties and the hypnotic Lavalamp! Fitting the mood of the sixties to a “T”, it transfixed us into that laid-back, mellow, “spaced-out” tranquillity of gentle hues. Nothing sudden – just the gentle, floating feeling that all was well within those walls and the world outside was an open-ended question where nothing was fixed and ever so malleable.
Then came the Millennium! Space exploded into our reality and the Universe has become out playground! The Earth is our back yard, but the stars are our vision, our exploration and our new reality!
Pack away the lavalamp. The new Laserpod Supernova has burst into our homes! No more gentle wax bubbling around. The Laserpod Supernova explodes a galaxy of excitement into our rooms - stars, nova clusters, shooting stars, gaseous clouds, bursts of light!
Housed in a sleek, good-looking aluminium cylinder, the projector uses red and green lasers to project impressive starbursts and shooting stars onto your ceiling – and there are holographic lenses to vary the effect. Blue and purple LEDs create the impression of gaseous blue clouds. The bright light is projected through crystal to fracture it and create that awesome effect.
With the diffusers in place on top of the cylinder, the light is more gentle and relaxing. Remove the diffusers, and a laser masterpiece explodes into your room! Place glass, clear plastic, crystal, on top and create your own special effects.
Why have a lamp in your room when you can own the universe and wrap yourself in the wonders and mysteries of light and space?
The lamps and devices of the sixties had their place in the mood of the times – but the explosion of technology contained in the Laserpod Supernova is WAY more exciting! I’ll have one, thanks.
Word Count: 295 excluding title.
Then came the Millennium! Space exploded into our reality and the Universe has become out playground! The Earth is our back yard, but the stars are our vision, our exploration and our new reality!
Pack away the lavalamp. The new Laserpod Supernova has burst into our homes! No more gentle wax bubbling around. The Laserpod Supernova explodes a galaxy of excitement into our rooms - stars, nova clusters, shooting stars, gaseous clouds, bursts of light!
Housed in a sleek, good-looking aluminium cylinder, the projector uses red and green lasers to project impressive starbursts and shooting stars onto your ceiling – and there are holographic lenses to vary the effect. Blue and purple LEDs create the impression of gaseous blue clouds. The bright light is projected through crystal to fracture it and create that awesome effect.
With the diffusers in place on top of the cylinder, the light is more gentle and relaxing. Remove the diffusers, and a laser masterpiece explodes into your room! Place glass, clear plastic, crystal, on top and create your own special effects.
Why have a lamp in your room when you can own the universe and wrap yourself in the wonders and mysteries of light and space?
The lamps and devices of the sixties had their place in the mood of the times – but the explosion of technology contained in the Laserpod Supernova is WAY more exciting! I’ll have one, thanks.
Word Count: 295 excluding title.
At Last, He’s Yours! The R2D2 Projector Robot
Weighing in at 10 kgs, he can be yours now, with all his lovable beeps and blips! R2D2 is not only your best buddy, but your complete home entertainment system.
What can he do for you? Well, with three safety sensors to prevent him from wandering off the table or wherever you’ve stationed him, he’ll oblige by playing your music or the built-in FM radio, he’ll project your DVD movies, video games, digital photos onto your wall or ceiling up to 80 inches across …. cool, don’t you think?
Here’s how he’s made up: He has a projector that will project images of 80 inches on the wall of your choice or your ceiling. He has an integrated DVD and CD player supporting all the stuff you want – DVD-video, DVD-R/RW, CD, CD-R/RW, MWA, MP3, Divx, MP4, JPEG. He has an iPod docking station for iPod, Nanos, Minis, Photos and Videos. He has a built-in 20Watt speaker and FM radio. Add to that a memory card slot, a USB connector, a full motion, light up wireless Millennium Falcon remote, input connections for video/audio, PC/Mac, Wii, Xbox, Playstation, and digital audio out for iPods. And a whole lotta love!
What will he consume? Well, he’s not a big fella, really, he’s 34,3 x 32,8 x 51,9cms. He comes with a battery pack and a mains charger, and his remote will need 6 x AA batteries. But he’s worth it. He’ll show you his affection with those adorable sound effects of his.
Come on, take him home with you.
And the force be with you.
Word Count: 262 excluding title.
What can he do for you? Well, with three safety sensors to prevent him from wandering off the table or wherever you’ve stationed him, he’ll oblige by playing your music or the built-in FM radio, he’ll project your DVD movies, video games, digital photos onto your wall or ceiling up to 80 inches across …. cool, don’t you think?
Here’s how he’s made up: He has a projector that will project images of 80 inches on the wall of your choice or your ceiling. He has an integrated DVD and CD player supporting all the stuff you want – DVD-video, DVD-R/RW, CD, CD-R/RW, MWA, MP3, Divx, MP4, JPEG. He has an iPod docking station for iPod, Nanos, Minis, Photos and Videos. He has a built-in 20Watt speaker and FM radio. Add to that a memory card slot, a USB connector, a full motion, light up wireless Millennium Falcon remote, input connections for video/audio, PC/Mac, Wii, Xbox, Playstation, and digital audio out for iPods. And a whole lotta love!
What will he consume? Well, he’s not a big fella, really, he’s 34,3 x 32,8 x 51,9cms. He comes with a battery pack and a mains charger, and his remote will need 6 x AA batteries. But he’s worth it. He’ll show you his affection with those adorable sound effects of his.
Come on, take him home with you.
And the force be with you.
Word Count: 262 excluding title.
The Credit Card Camera – take home anything you want to!
On camera, that is. This little digital camera is the size of a credit card and as thin as my credit balance (0.5cm!) It may not be particularly high resolution (0.3 Megapixels), but it’s no gimmick, either.
There’s no excuse for being caught without a camera again when those moments pop up that you want to take home to share. You don’t see them coming – those moments tend to present themselves from out of the blue. “WHY didn’t I have my camera,” can be as far in the past as “Why didn’t I have my credit card?” Ever notice just how quickly you can wip out a credit card when the moment calls for it? Well, the same goes for this little camera.
This is one credit card that won’t make your spouse turn pale when you charge it! Which, by the way, you can do from your computer. It has a lithium battery that recharges from your computer during download. (A USB cable is part of the package, as is a hanging strap, user manual and software that includes “Photoimpression” and “Funhouse” to edit your pictures when you’ve downloaded them to your PC.)
Other specifications include a built-in viewfinder, auto exposure and white balance adjuster, 64Mb memory (SDRam), an image resolution of 640 x 320 pixels, auto shoot 10 secs, continuous shoot 10 pics per second and a shutter speed of 1/6 – 1/15000second. It also has an automatic energy saver after 30 seconds, so that you don’t waste battery power – and you can even use it as a webcam!
It may not give you credit, but you’ll certainly give yourself the credit for taking home all those wonderful moments and memories that would have passed you by in the bad old days before the credit card camera!
Word Count: 298 excluding title.
There’s no excuse for being caught without a camera again when those moments pop up that you want to take home to share. You don’t see them coming – those moments tend to present themselves from out of the blue. “WHY didn’t I have my camera,” can be as far in the past as “Why didn’t I have my credit card?” Ever notice just how quickly you can wip out a credit card when the moment calls for it? Well, the same goes for this little camera.
This is one credit card that won’t make your spouse turn pale when you charge it! Which, by the way, you can do from your computer. It has a lithium battery that recharges from your computer during download. (A USB cable is part of the package, as is a hanging strap, user manual and software that includes “Photoimpression” and “Funhouse” to edit your pictures when you’ve downloaded them to your PC.)
Other specifications include a built-in viewfinder, auto exposure and white balance adjuster, 64Mb memory (SDRam), an image resolution of 640 x 320 pixels, auto shoot 10 secs, continuous shoot 10 pics per second and a shutter speed of 1/6 – 1/15000second. It also has an automatic energy saver after 30 seconds, so that you don’t waste battery power – and you can even use it as a webcam!
It may not give you credit, but you’ll certainly give yourself the credit for taking home all those wonderful moments and memories that would have passed you by in the bad old days before the credit card camera!
Word Count: 298 excluding title.
Pocketsurfer 2 Mobile Internet Communicator.
If you’re tired of hit and miss Wi-Fi coverage, here’s a handheld device for browsing the internet that isn’t reliant on Wi-Fi. The Pocketsurfer 2 is a good-looking little browser that uses Datawind’s new, accelerated GPRS. (It’s not the slow download that we tend to associate with GPRS of old, but utilizes their new compression technology.)
The dimensions are 152x75x15mm, with a 5.2” screen. Though not quite pocket-sized, it has a fairly solid construction and fits one’s hand very comfortably. It has a QWERTY keyboard, which is great! However, the 640 x 240 VGA screen tends to reduce the quality of high-resolution images, which can be irritating.
Browsing the web is not particularly comfortable, for one thing because of the resolution, and for another, the lack of a scroll wheel. One is limited to using the four-way direction pad to navigate, which is not a problem on a conventional cell phone screen, but far less than ideal on a screen twice the size.
I guess it depends on what you’re used to and how you want to use it. If you want it to display maps or check email while you’re on the move, it’s not bad, although a battery time of less than 5 hours may or may not be an issue for you.
In short, I’d suggest that you try this baby out before you rush to order online, but if you prefer a good, accelerated GPRS to WI-FI – and you can get a data contract that suits your pocket – then it could be worth a test.
Word Count: 259 excluding title.
The dimensions are 152x75x15mm, with a 5.2” screen. Though not quite pocket-sized, it has a fairly solid construction and fits one’s hand very comfortably. It has a QWERTY keyboard, which is great! However, the 640 x 240 VGA screen tends to reduce the quality of high-resolution images, which can be irritating.
Browsing the web is not particularly comfortable, for one thing because of the resolution, and for another, the lack of a scroll wheel. One is limited to using the four-way direction pad to navigate, which is not a problem on a conventional cell phone screen, but far less than ideal on a screen twice the size.
I guess it depends on what you’re used to and how you want to use it. If you want it to display maps or check email while you’re on the move, it’s not bad, although a battery time of less than 5 hours may or may not be an issue for you.
In short, I’d suggest that you try this baby out before you rush to order online, but if you prefer a good, accelerated GPRS to WI-FI – and you can get a data contract that suits your pocket – then it could be worth a test.
Word Count: 259 excluding title.
i-Sobot - A Palm Size Buddy!
Fact. My daughter has me wrapped around her little finger. She has me eating out of the palm of her hand. Fact. It’s tiring! What if I could find a willing little buddy who can fulfil some of her many commands and give me a break?
Fact. I can! He’s a lovable little humanoid robot who can literally fit the palm of your hand – he’s about 6.5 inches tall, or 16.5cms. He can sing, dance, do push-ups, walk around, do somersaults, Kung-Fu fighting, stand on his head, and do the things every child seems to think her Daddy can do. Oh, speaking of which, let’s not forget – he even obeys voice commands!
Okay, he doesn’t pay the bills, but he sure can buy me a little more time to deal with that issue. On the subject of money, this little fellow doesn’t come home at those exorbitant robotic prices – he features as a toy. And you don’t even have to assemble him!
His name is “i- Sobot”. He arrives assembled and ready to party! You just slap in the batteries, retrieve the instructions, sit back in your favourite armchair and pretend to read them while your kid figures out how to use him, in much less time than you ever could. He’s pre-programmed with a bunch of routines to start the ball rolling, while your kid figures how to create and store his or her own sequences.
He has a built-in speaker in his chest, a built-in microphone with voice recognition, and a built-in ability to give you back that “me time” you’ve been dreaming about.
“Yes, Dear, Daddy’s coming – I’m just going online to buy a little helper…”
Word Count: 279 (Excluding title)
Fact. I can! He’s a lovable little humanoid robot who can literally fit the palm of your hand – he’s about 6.5 inches tall, or 16.5cms. He can sing, dance, do push-ups, walk around, do somersaults, Kung-Fu fighting, stand on his head, and do the things every child seems to think her Daddy can do. Oh, speaking of which, let’s not forget – he even obeys voice commands!
Okay, he doesn’t pay the bills, but he sure can buy me a little more time to deal with that issue. On the subject of money, this little fellow doesn’t come home at those exorbitant robotic prices – he features as a toy. And you don’t even have to assemble him!
His name is “i- Sobot”. He arrives assembled and ready to party! You just slap in the batteries, retrieve the instructions, sit back in your favourite armchair and pretend to read them while your kid figures out how to use him, in much less time than you ever could. He’s pre-programmed with a bunch of routines to start the ball rolling, while your kid figures how to create and store his or her own sequences.
He has a built-in speaker in his chest, a built-in microphone with voice recognition, and a built-in ability to give you back that “me time” you’ve been dreaming about.
“Yes, Dear, Daddy’s coming – I’m just going online to buy a little helper…”
Word Count: 279 (Excluding title)
Rainbow In My Room: The Perfect Tranquillity.
I can’t think of anything more tranquil, more relaxing, than having a rainbow in my room. This is quite possible now with that quaint little rainbow projector called Rainbow In My Room.
This rainbow-shaped projector is a visual treat in modern design. The arm arches over the mirror coated base, and LEDs in the overhead arm shine onto the mirror, which projects a beautiful rainbow onto your walls and ceiling. A switch allows you to set it to reflect the full rainbow, or alternatively to reflect one rainbow colour at a time. (It has an auto shut-off after ten minutes to conserve energy, so your child can happily fall asleep without having to switch it off.)
What is it that is so unambiguously happy about a rainbow? I cannot think of a single unpleasant feature to it. It may well be a perfectly physical phenomenon – a refraction of light – but somehow it always elicits feeling of hope and well-being.
“Somewhere Over the Rainbow”, songs, fairy tales and pots of gold aside, in signifies the end of a storm and the hope of better things to follow. Whatever it is, it always leaves one with a good feeling. One evening, after a summer thunderstorm, I saw a brilliant rainbow ahead and to my left as I was driving home. Then, suddenly, as the road curved, I was driving through what appeared to be the end of the rainbow! I have never forgotten that thrill!
Even for me as an adult, I can’t think of a better way to drift off to sleep than being wrapped in a rainbow. How much more so for a little child, after a day of disciplines, conflicts and hopes either dashed or fulfilled?
Word count: 287 excluding title.
This rainbow-shaped projector is a visual treat in modern design. The arm arches over the mirror coated base, and LEDs in the overhead arm shine onto the mirror, which projects a beautiful rainbow onto your walls and ceiling. A switch allows you to set it to reflect the full rainbow, or alternatively to reflect one rainbow colour at a time. (It has an auto shut-off after ten minutes to conserve energy, so your child can happily fall asleep without having to switch it off.)
What is it that is so unambiguously happy about a rainbow? I cannot think of a single unpleasant feature to it. It may well be a perfectly physical phenomenon – a refraction of light – but somehow it always elicits feeling of hope and well-being.
“Somewhere Over the Rainbow”, songs, fairy tales and pots of gold aside, in signifies the end of a storm and the hope of better things to follow. Whatever it is, it always leaves one with a good feeling. One evening, after a summer thunderstorm, I saw a brilliant rainbow ahead and to my left as I was driving home. Then, suddenly, as the road curved, I was driving through what appeared to be the end of the rainbow! I have never forgotten that thrill!
Even for me as an adult, I can’t think of a better way to drift off to sleep than being wrapped in a rainbow. How much more so for a little child, after a day of disciplines, conflicts and hopes either dashed or fulfilled?
Word count: 287 excluding title.
Your Future in the Stars The Astrology Report.
“My horoscope? I don’t believe in that stuff. Wait! What does it say? I’m Leo.”
Sound like anyone you know? While the majority of the daily horoscope addicts will tell you that they don’t believe a word of it, nevertheless, they don’t feel comfortable until they’ve checked the daily paper to see what to be careful of, regardless of the fact that they don’t believe it.
Do the planet alignments and times really have no effect on your personality, weaknesses, strengths or what you’re prone to? They may not accurately predict your future, but what of those character traits? And to what degree do those character traits determine your future?
Shakespeare thought it prudent to write “The fault, Dear Brutus, lies not in our stars, but in ourselves that we are underlings.” Of course, Cassius and company were plotting Caesar’s assassination, so why wouldn’t they want Brutus to think that?
We’d probably all like to think that romance, love and destiny lay in the stars. (It would relieve us of some personal responsibility!) If it is written in the stars, we’d certainly want to be able to read what is written!
You could try the Astrology Report Gift Pack. It comes in a neat little tin containing everything you need to register for a personalized report. There’s a booklet on astrology included. You’ll fill in the details necessary for your report to be plotted. Choose one of the three reports offered - relationship compatibility, romance or birth. They will use your information to plot the alignment of planets (and whatever else they use) at your moment of birth and a report of 8 to 12 pages will be sent to you.
Just remember, you have 12 months in which to register your report. I guess the stars expire after that.
Word Count: 300 excluding title.
Sound like anyone you know? While the majority of the daily horoscope addicts will tell you that they don’t believe a word of it, nevertheless, they don’t feel comfortable until they’ve checked the daily paper to see what to be careful of, regardless of the fact that they don’t believe it.
Do the planet alignments and times really have no effect on your personality, weaknesses, strengths or what you’re prone to? They may not accurately predict your future, but what of those character traits? And to what degree do those character traits determine your future?
Shakespeare thought it prudent to write “The fault, Dear Brutus, lies not in our stars, but in ourselves that we are underlings.” Of course, Cassius and company were plotting Caesar’s assassination, so why wouldn’t they want Brutus to think that?
We’d probably all like to think that romance, love and destiny lay in the stars. (It would relieve us of some personal responsibility!) If it is written in the stars, we’d certainly want to be able to read what is written!
You could try the Astrology Report Gift Pack. It comes in a neat little tin containing everything you need to register for a personalized report. There’s a booklet on astrology included. You’ll fill in the details necessary for your report to be plotted. Choose one of the three reports offered - relationship compatibility, romance or birth. They will use your information to plot the alignment of planets (and whatever else they use) at your moment of birth and a report of 8 to 12 pages will be sent to you.
Just remember, you have 12 months in which to register your report. I guess the stars expire after that.
Word Count: 300 excluding title.
See What You’ve Never Noticed Before - with the Eyeclops TV Micro-Camera.
Imagine. A hand held bionic eye that you simply point at something and look at the HUGE picture of it on your television screen.
No kidding. It looks like a hand held artificial eyeball, housed in an eye socket. You don’t need software. Just plug in into you TV, point it at something small and check it out on your TV screen, enlarged by up to 200 times! Point it to the fly on the wall and you’ll see enough to do a biology project. Point it into your cup of tea and see what you’re really drinking. In fact, point at any liquid and see a whole new world open up for you!
Is your vacuum cleaner all that it’s cracked up to be? Check out your carpet at really close range. (You might even find that lost stud there!) A leaf, a piece of paper. The ants that you thought you’d got rid of. There’s a world in you lounge that you didn’t know was there!
How about that little cut in your finger that everyone laughed about when you performed? (“It’s only a little cut,” they said, “don’t make a whole production of it.”) Well, with the Eyeclops TV Micro-Camera, you can actually make a production out of it! Show them what your little wound looks like enlarged 200 times and exactly what is happening inside that major wound. See if they ever laugh again!
Battery operated, this device even has a base to stand it on when you really want to sit back and focus on what you’re seeing – or, better still, to watch the movement that passes your electronic eye in the cycle of life and nature.
It’s so easy: plug in, point, and observe close up what you’ve never seen with a magnifying glass.
Word Count: 300 excluding title.
No kidding. It looks like a hand held artificial eyeball, housed in an eye socket. You don’t need software. Just plug in into you TV, point it at something small and check it out on your TV screen, enlarged by up to 200 times! Point it to the fly on the wall and you’ll see enough to do a biology project. Point it into your cup of tea and see what you’re really drinking. In fact, point at any liquid and see a whole new world open up for you!
Is your vacuum cleaner all that it’s cracked up to be? Check out your carpet at really close range. (You might even find that lost stud there!) A leaf, a piece of paper. The ants that you thought you’d got rid of. There’s a world in you lounge that you didn’t know was there!
How about that little cut in your finger that everyone laughed about when you performed? (“It’s only a little cut,” they said, “don’t make a whole production of it.”) Well, with the Eyeclops TV Micro-Camera, you can actually make a production out of it! Show them what your little wound looks like enlarged 200 times and exactly what is happening inside that major wound. See if they ever laugh again!
Battery operated, this device even has a base to stand it on when you really want to sit back and focus on what you’re seeing – or, better still, to watch the movement that passes your electronic eye in the cycle of life and nature.
It’s so easy: plug in, point, and observe close up what you’ve never seen with a magnifying glass.
Word Count: 300 excluding title.
Bored? Looking for a Challenge? Build A Robot!
Is building a robot way beyond your capacity? I know what you mean. I’m all thumbs. I have a great imagination and wonderful intentions, but the distance between wishing and doing can be light years. The Do-It-Yourself stuff was designed for other people, people with two hands, four fingers and a thumb on each hand, and know how to use each of those appendages.
I’ve just spent the day “making” a home-made flashlight for a school project – well, WE did. We had no escape. Well, it’s amazing what you can do when you know that ducking it is not an alternative. Many hours later, the dining room table looked like a scrap yard. There had to be enough bits and pieces to build a factory. But – amid that chaos – we had produced a really cute little flashlight that, to our amazement, actually worked!
That made me think – why panic and try to duck those “school project” obligations? Overcome your fears! Show yourself YOU CAN! Build a robot!
The “Build A Robot” kit costs about £25. It won’t help around the house. It won’t do the school projects. What it does have are little infra-red sensors to stop it from bumping into things, and 36 programmable actions with light effects and sound effects to assure you that you’ve created a masterpiece!
It’ll keep you busy and it’ll keep you amused for ages. Most of all, you’ll prove to yourself and your family that you CAN do it.
Of course, there’s an alternative. Let you kid build it – then we you’re asked to do a school project, you can look amazed and say “Why ask me? I’m an idiot. YOU built a robot!”
Word Count: 281 excluding title.
I’ve just spent the day “making” a home-made flashlight for a school project – well, WE did. We had no escape. Well, it’s amazing what you can do when you know that ducking it is not an alternative. Many hours later, the dining room table looked like a scrap yard. There had to be enough bits and pieces to build a factory. But – amid that chaos – we had produced a really cute little flashlight that, to our amazement, actually worked!
That made me think – why panic and try to duck those “school project” obligations? Overcome your fears! Show yourself YOU CAN! Build a robot!
The “Build A Robot” kit costs about £25. It won’t help around the house. It won’t do the school projects. What it does have are little infra-red sensors to stop it from bumping into things, and 36 programmable actions with light effects and sound effects to assure you that you’ve created a masterpiece!
It’ll keep you busy and it’ll keep you amused for ages. Most of all, you’ll prove to yourself and your family that you CAN do it.
Of course, there’s an alternative. Let you kid build it – then we you’re asked to do a school project, you can look amazed and say “Why ask me? I’m an idiot. YOU built a robot!”
Word Count: 281 excluding title.
Skip To Mah Loo, Mah Darling! The Mind Trainer Loo Roll.
The family loo – a place close to our hearts. (About half a body length, I suppose). When I was a kid, it was referred to as The House of Parliament – long sittings, loud reports, then the subject was dropped. Don’t mock it. Major decisions have been made there. A refuge in any busy household, where you can be alone and clear your mind – as well, that is.
You’ve read the paper there. You’ve stared at the same spot on the door and found many, many answers to difficult questions there, over the years. Your place of refuge. You know every inch of it. You know how many tiles there are. You know how many rows of tiles, and how many tiles in each row, along the floor and along each wall. You’ve counted them individually. You’ve calculated them by row density; you’ve made allowances in your formulae for the gap in rows where the cistern is.
It is, undoubtedly, the most important room in the house. After all, at a pinch you’d be prepared to double up in any room in the house – except that one. Well, it deserves some recognition. It’s time to upgrade it into an official Room of Learning, an icon of education – with the new Mind Trainer Loo Roll!
The Mind Trainer Loo Roll has ten puzzles and games imprinted onto it to help you stay alert, fresh and focused. Sudoku, memory trials word version, memory trials with numbers, brain exercises, math, colour counting, ladders, mental math …..
And kids, here’s the best part. If your teacher tells you that you’ve let your education go down the drain, just give him a roll and tell him to do with his test paper what you’ve been dying to tell him for years!
Word count: 295 excluding title.
You’ve read the paper there. You’ve stared at the same spot on the door and found many, many answers to difficult questions there, over the years. Your place of refuge. You know every inch of it. You know how many tiles there are. You know how many rows of tiles, and how many tiles in each row, along the floor and along each wall. You’ve counted them individually. You’ve calculated them by row density; you’ve made allowances in your formulae for the gap in rows where the cistern is.
It is, undoubtedly, the most important room in the house. After all, at a pinch you’d be prepared to double up in any room in the house – except that one. Well, it deserves some recognition. It’s time to upgrade it into an official Room of Learning, an icon of education – with the new Mind Trainer Loo Roll!
The Mind Trainer Loo Roll has ten puzzles and games imprinted onto it to help you stay alert, fresh and focused. Sudoku, memory trials word version, memory trials with numbers, brain exercises, math, colour counting, ladders, mental math …..
And kids, here’s the best part. If your teacher tells you that you’ve let your education go down the drain, just give him a roll and tell him to do with his test paper what you’ve been dying to tell him for years!
Word count: 295 excluding title.
Never Lose It Again! The Fridge Magnet Bottle Opener.
You’ve waited for that beer. You’ve visualized its cool, wet droplets sliding down your throat, while you sat in the traffic. You reverse parked your car perfectly the first time, because you didn’t have time for second and third attempts. You positively drooled when you saw the front door approaching your racing footsteps.
At last you’re there. You fling your briefcase in the general direction of the dining room, knowing your wife is going to have something to say about that, but it figures way down the list of priorities. You’ll deal with that later, once those golden droplets have collected in your stomach. You reach for the fridge handle, unaware of that little boy smile on your face or the eyes that are shining with anticipation. For a terrible moment your heart freezes in panic in case, by some horrible twist of fate, somebody has been visiting in your absence and ….. and then the fridge door is open and there it is. You touch the cold, dripping bottle tenderly for a moment, in gratitude. Then you grab it gleefully, spinning around as you close the fridge door.
Where’s that bottle opener? You pull out a drawer. Then with just a hint of irritation, you open the next drawer. Then faster and faster, the next and the next! NO, NO! This can’t be happening! Why me? I’ll KILL whoever used it last!
Hey, Dude, chill. That could be nothing more than a bad dream - if you get the new, great, life-saving, stainless steel, magnetized bottle opener with the anti-scratch magnetic backing. It sticks to your fridge with a determination you want to see. A mere flick of the wrist does the rest.
Oh, yea – get two. Stick one on the side of your car. You never know …
Word Count: 300 excluding title.
At last you’re there. You fling your briefcase in the general direction of the dining room, knowing your wife is going to have something to say about that, but it figures way down the list of priorities. You’ll deal with that later, once those golden droplets have collected in your stomach. You reach for the fridge handle, unaware of that little boy smile on your face or the eyes that are shining with anticipation. For a terrible moment your heart freezes in panic in case, by some horrible twist of fate, somebody has been visiting in your absence and ….. and then the fridge door is open and there it is. You touch the cold, dripping bottle tenderly for a moment, in gratitude. Then you grab it gleefully, spinning around as you close the fridge door.
Where’s that bottle opener? You pull out a drawer. Then with just a hint of irritation, you open the next drawer. Then faster and faster, the next and the next! NO, NO! This can’t be happening! Why me? I’ll KILL whoever used it last!
Hey, Dude, chill. That could be nothing more than a bad dream - if you get the new, great, life-saving, stainless steel, magnetized bottle opener with the anti-scratch magnetic backing. It sticks to your fridge with a determination you want to see. A mere flick of the wrist does the rest.
Oh, yea – get two. Stick one on the side of your car. You never know …
Word Count: 300 excluding title.
You CAN Take It With You! EzVision X4:
The EzVision range is that very “must have” range of portable movie screens that you wear like sunglasses. They’re very light to wear, sleek and plug into your iPod or any portable movie or DVD player. (I’d better qualify that – there are models that the EzVisions are not compatible with, so make sure that yours is compatible.) You wear them like glasses, but it’s like watching a movie on a television screen.
The new EzVision X4 is the equivalent of watching on a 60” TV screen! Retractable headphones are built into the arms. Resolution is 640 x 480 (as opposed to the earlier 320 x 240). It has a 6 hour rechargeable battery pack with volume controls, and comes with adaptors for your iPod or portable player.
So much for what it is. What appeals to me is what you can use it for! Easy to carry because of its size and easy to listen to because of the headphones, you could watch your favourite – or inspirational – movies anywhere, without disturbing anyone around you. Except, of course, that they’ll be jealous as hell, watching you sitting quietly in a world of your own, while they’re suffering reality.
The obvious situation, of course, is watching movies in bed without robbing anyone else of their sleep. Or watching your own movie while the rest of the family sob, cheer and stomp their feet for Oprah (bless her generous heart.) But how about watching a comedy while waiting for your kid to come out of school? Or chilling in the car in the parking lot, while the family shops? Or watching Baywatch during the umpteenth rehearsal for the school play? Instead of being irritated, you’ll be a smiling, compatible fellow that’ll leave everyone wondering how you have the patience!
Word Count: 296 excluding title.
The new EzVision X4 is the equivalent of watching on a 60” TV screen! Retractable headphones are built into the arms. Resolution is 640 x 480 (as opposed to the earlier 320 x 240). It has a 6 hour rechargeable battery pack with volume controls, and comes with adaptors for your iPod or portable player.
So much for what it is. What appeals to me is what you can use it for! Easy to carry because of its size and easy to listen to because of the headphones, you could watch your favourite – or inspirational – movies anywhere, without disturbing anyone around you. Except, of course, that they’ll be jealous as hell, watching you sitting quietly in a world of your own, while they’re suffering reality.
The obvious situation, of course, is watching movies in bed without robbing anyone else of their sleep. Or watching your own movie while the rest of the family sob, cheer and stomp their feet for Oprah (bless her generous heart.) But how about watching a comedy while waiting for your kid to come out of school? Or chilling in the car in the parking lot, while the family shops? Or watching Baywatch during the umpteenth rehearsal for the school play? Instead of being irritated, you’ll be a smiling, compatible fellow that’ll leave everyone wondering how you have the patience!
Word Count: 296 excluding title.
Surviving In The WAG Jungle: WAGS Personal Interests
I imagine that topping the list of a WAG’S personal interests would be her husband or boyfriend and their children. That’s why she’s a WAG. Being a WAG is one thing; surviving as one, is another.
WAGS World is a jungle. To survive in that jungle, she needs to be able to identify her predators – as well as her prey. Those are her personal interests. Avoid the predators or overcome them to stay alive, and feed on the prey to live. An interesting species she is indeed – and as a species, certainly not on the endangered list!
In the short term, her interests appear to be shopping, nightclubbing, fashion; shopping, nightclubbing, grooming; shopping, nightclubbing, recognition; shopping nightclubbing, attaining and maintaining celebrity status; shopping, clubbing, socializing; shopping nightclubbing, making an impression. Oh, and possibly more than a passing interest in football, or whatever other sport earned her the title.
The long term is another story. She knows that her celebrity status, based on her partner’s sporting success, has a shelf life. Those activities are not just a game or a pastime. They are part of her survival strategy, to ensure a future beyond the golden days of her partner’s shelf life.
Her interest in the sport is to support his performance, to enhance his chances of prolonging his success for as long as possible.
Her Clubbing, Shopping and Partying Has A Purpose.
Celebrity status affords her the opportunity of being widely recognized and becoming a marketable commodity in her own right. Once sufficiently marketable, she may be able to attract financial sponsorship to pursue her own career.
In order to build sponsor confidence, she has to display talent in the appropriate arena, which is probably fashion, make-up, the performing arts, writing an autobiography….. Her aim would be to have her own fashion line, her own perfume fragrance, her own talk show – or just a little Oscar now and then.
Sitting at home won’t get her in the public eye. She NEEDS to be seen, to be written about, (to be interviewed ….. wellll, that may not always be in her best interests), to be talked about, and, yes, even gossiped about. THAT’S what gets her hits on a website, featured on the front page – or page 3 - or the back page – they’re all good. And that’s what makes her a marketable commodity.
Survival. She needs to be where the action is, where the other WAGS and celebrities hang out, if she wants to keep an eye on what they’re up to. They may be her friends, but they also have the same ambitions. If she’s not there to take an opportunity, one of them will be. She needs to know what the competition is doing; and she needs to promote herself; to do her PR work.
Her personal interests are survival in a jungle; but a lush, green, rich jungle, where she’ll be able to shop, nightclub and socialize way beyond her WAG shelf life.
Nothing wrong with that – if she and her family can survive emotionally
WAGS World is a jungle. To survive in that jungle, she needs to be able to identify her predators – as well as her prey. Those are her personal interests. Avoid the predators or overcome them to stay alive, and feed on the prey to live. An interesting species she is indeed – and as a species, certainly not on the endangered list!
In the short term, her interests appear to be shopping, nightclubbing, fashion; shopping, nightclubbing, grooming; shopping, nightclubbing, recognition; shopping nightclubbing, attaining and maintaining celebrity status; shopping, clubbing, socializing; shopping nightclubbing, making an impression. Oh, and possibly more than a passing interest in football, or whatever other sport earned her the title.
The long term is another story. She knows that her celebrity status, based on her partner’s sporting success, has a shelf life. Those activities are not just a game or a pastime. They are part of her survival strategy, to ensure a future beyond the golden days of her partner’s shelf life.
Her interest in the sport is to support his performance, to enhance his chances of prolonging his success for as long as possible.
Her Clubbing, Shopping and Partying Has A Purpose.
Celebrity status affords her the opportunity of being widely recognized and becoming a marketable commodity in her own right. Once sufficiently marketable, she may be able to attract financial sponsorship to pursue her own career.
In order to build sponsor confidence, she has to display talent in the appropriate arena, which is probably fashion, make-up, the performing arts, writing an autobiography….. Her aim would be to have her own fashion line, her own perfume fragrance, her own talk show – or just a little Oscar now and then.
Sitting at home won’t get her in the public eye. She NEEDS to be seen, to be written about, (to be interviewed ….. wellll, that may not always be in her best interests), to be talked about, and, yes, even gossiped about. THAT’S what gets her hits on a website, featured on the front page – or page 3 - or the back page – they’re all good. And that’s what makes her a marketable commodity.
Survival. She needs to be where the action is, where the other WAGS and celebrities hang out, if she wants to keep an eye on what they’re up to. They may be her friends, but they also have the same ambitions. If she’s not there to take an opportunity, one of them will be. She needs to know what the competition is doing; and she needs to promote herself; to do her PR work.
Her personal interests are survival in a jungle; but a lush, green, rich jungle, where she’ll be able to shop, nightclub and socialize way beyond her WAG shelf life.
Nothing wrong with that – if she and her family can survive emotionally
Energy In Crisis: How Do WAGS Keep Enough Energy For Clubbing?
If there’s one thing that WAGS deserve credit for, it’s their energy levels.
Their energy requirements are enormous. Kick-starting their brain requires considerable energy. Then, whether they succeed or not, there are monumental decisions to make, which can be exhausting. What clothes to wear initially, planning the number of times they’ll have to change outfits that day – taking into consideration who else they might meet and what they will be wearing. Getting weather reports to ascertain what make-up to choose. Calculating appointment times. (Thank goodness for digital watches – those hands could be confusing.)
Then, before attacking the day, calmly sitting down and thinking about whom, in the wake of last night, you’re speaking to and who you aren’t – and who you’re likely to be speaking to, who won’t be speaking to someone else you may or may not be speaking to. Thinking is hard; you have to be sitting down.
Then the day begins and our heroin has to attend a football match or a practice, pose for the paparazzi, do a PR number on the coach and face the floozy who’s trying to tempt her man. Thereafter she has to synchronize her visit to the gym with whoever she needs to share a confidence with that day - or plot a coup - exercise, shower, redo make-up, avoid /or speak to the paparazzi.
Then the serious business of some pre-lunch shopping begins. Attend lunch, field the paparazzi. Lunch requires the utmost concentration. As much as a wrong or a misplaced word may leave someone off the hook! Anyway, that’s the time to catch up on the consequences of the night before and to regroup for the night to come.
After lunch, there’s serious shopping to be done. That not only requires the energy expended in getting to the WAGS’ workplace, but of trying on scores of outfits. And, of course, the endless decisions. They’re exhausting.
If you’re under the impression that the decisions involved are just a matter of what looks nice, you’re living in a fool’s paradise. Is your shopping mate telling you to choose that outfit because she thinks that it looks nice on you, because she wants to look better than you, or because she wants to buy the better one herself? Or does she know that someone else has the same one and you did something last night that you don’t remember? It’s not easy. It’s exhausting.
From the shopping there’s the late afternoon appointment, whether to entertain or to be entertained; after which, dress for dinner, a major feat in itself.
Then, at last, night time comes along and she has to go clubbing and test the results of her day’s labours.
And all that is just the routine stuff. Mischief is extra.
So how do WAGS keep enough energy for clubbing?
Energy management. Take the exhausting stuff out of the above schedule. Stop thinking. Trust your instincts. Dispense with reasoning. Demand, and throw a quick tantrum if your demands are not met. Avoid planning – take it as it comes. No problem.
Their energy requirements are enormous. Kick-starting their brain requires considerable energy. Then, whether they succeed or not, there are monumental decisions to make, which can be exhausting. What clothes to wear initially, planning the number of times they’ll have to change outfits that day – taking into consideration who else they might meet and what they will be wearing. Getting weather reports to ascertain what make-up to choose. Calculating appointment times. (Thank goodness for digital watches – those hands could be confusing.)
Then, before attacking the day, calmly sitting down and thinking about whom, in the wake of last night, you’re speaking to and who you aren’t – and who you’re likely to be speaking to, who won’t be speaking to someone else you may or may not be speaking to. Thinking is hard; you have to be sitting down.
Then the day begins and our heroin has to attend a football match or a practice, pose for the paparazzi, do a PR number on the coach and face the floozy who’s trying to tempt her man. Thereafter she has to synchronize her visit to the gym with whoever she needs to share a confidence with that day - or plot a coup - exercise, shower, redo make-up, avoid /or speak to the paparazzi.
Then the serious business of some pre-lunch shopping begins. Attend lunch, field the paparazzi. Lunch requires the utmost concentration. As much as a wrong or a misplaced word may leave someone off the hook! Anyway, that’s the time to catch up on the consequences of the night before and to regroup for the night to come.
After lunch, there’s serious shopping to be done. That not only requires the energy expended in getting to the WAGS’ workplace, but of trying on scores of outfits. And, of course, the endless decisions. They’re exhausting.
If you’re under the impression that the decisions involved are just a matter of what looks nice, you’re living in a fool’s paradise. Is your shopping mate telling you to choose that outfit because she thinks that it looks nice on you, because she wants to look better than you, or because she wants to buy the better one herself? Or does she know that someone else has the same one and you did something last night that you don’t remember? It’s not easy. It’s exhausting.
From the shopping there’s the late afternoon appointment, whether to entertain or to be entertained; after which, dress for dinner, a major feat in itself.
Then, at last, night time comes along and she has to go clubbing and test the results of her day’s labours.
And all that is just the routine stuff. Mischief is extra.
So how do WAGS keep enough energy for clubbing?
Energy management. Take the exhausting stuff out of the above schedule. Stop thinking. Trust your instincts. Dispense with reasoning. Demand, and throw a quick tantrum if your demands are not met. Avoid planning – take it as it comes. No problem.
WAGS With Brains: A Short Article ….
Don’t make the mistake of assuming that WAGS don’t have brains. They certainly do. What happens inside those brains, may, in some cases, be somewhat suspect. In other cases, the brain has been known to become dormant until the WAG status wears off, when they seem to be revived, with some modifications. It would make an interesting study, but to the best of my knowledge, no positive results have emanated from any such attempts.
I believe that certain psychologists who have tried to conduct such in-depth studies seem to end up speechless, with vacant eyes, shaking-of-the-head syndrome and utterly astonished expressions permanently etched on their faces. Their eyes seem to flicker momentarily when they see the flash of a credit card, but apparently they suffer sudden, violent seizures at the sound of a cashier’s till. Post seizure shaking can last for hours and may be accompanied by weeping. At the sound of a whistle they appear to suffer panic attacks, their desperate eyes displaying signs of seeking an escape.
While some experts are working on the development of medication to relieve these symptoms, experts in other areas are focusing on methods of containing a possible mass outbreak of similar symptoms among the psychiatric fraternity during the impending 2010 World Cup Series.
If some WAGS seem to be confused at times – many times – most times – all the time, that should not be perceived to display a lack of intelligence. I consider myself to be a reasonably intelligent person, but after reading their blog site, I myself felt some – a great deal of – confusion. On the subject of confusion, in fairness, bear in mind that WAGS have to communicate with other WAGS – and if that isn’t confusing, please define confusion.
The fact that they maintain a blog site does indicate that at least some of them do have active, capable brains. (Even if the first large advert I noticed happened to be for a dildo.) More than that, I read a post indicating that Cassie Sumner had written an autobiography about life as a WAG. In her book, apparently she warns off wannabe WAGS, and even states that her life as a WAG has put her off shopping for life, so I presume she’s well on the road to recovery. But, there again, she’s now an ex-WAG, so the faded status thing comes into play. A comment to the post about her book from a supportive ex-WAG supports the theory of a dormant brain being revived in WAG afterlife. Ex-WAGS bear frightening testimony to the lifestyle.
Ex-WAGS seem to have very good brains. WAGS certainly have brains, even if, in cases, to a greater or lesser degree, dormant. The question is, where are the brains in the pre-WAG stages?
WAGS Displaying Active Brains:
Recently a group of WAGS competed in an episode of “The Weakest Link” – okay, that’s a bad example. Moving on …..
Wonderful weather, we’ve been having. It’s almost spring in the southern hemisphere. Umm….. not bad in the north, either.
(There has to be something…)
Okay, gotta go.
I believe that certain psychologists who have tried to conduct such in-depth studies seem to end up speechless, with vacant eyes, shaking-of-the-head syndrome and utterly astonished expressions permanently etched on their faces. Their eyes seem to flicker momentarily when they see the flash of a credit card, but apparently they suffer sudden, violent seizures at the sound of a cashier’s till. Post seizure shaking can last for hours and may be accompanied by weeping. At the sound of a whistle they appear to suffer panic attacks, their desperate eyes displaying signs of seeking an escape.
While some experts are working on the development of medication to relieve these symptoms, experts in other areas are focusing on methods of containing a possible mass outbreak of similar symptoms among the psychiatric fraternity during the impending 2010 World Cup Series.
If some WAGS seem to be confused at times – many times – most times – all the time, that should not be perceived to display a lack of intelligence. I consider myself to be a reasonably intelligent person, but after reading their blog site, I myself felt some – a great deal of – confusion. On the subject of confusion, in fairness, bear in mind that WAGS have to communicate with other WAGS – and if that isn’t confusing, please define confusion.
The fact that they maintain a blog site does indicate that at least some of them do have active, capable brains. (Even if the first large advert I noticed happened to be for a dildo.) More than that, I read a post indicating that Cassie Sumner had written an autobiography about life as a WAG. In her book, apparently she warns off wannabe WAGS, and even states that her life as a WAG has put her off shopping for life, so I presume she’s well on the road to recovery. But, there again, she’s now an ex-WAG, so the faded status thing comes into play. A comment to the post about her book from a supportive ex-WAG supports the theory of a dormant brain being revived in WAG afterlife. Ex-WAGS bear frightening testimony to the lifestyle.
Ex-WAGS seem to have very good brains. WAGS certainly have brains, even if, in cases, to a greater or lesser degree, dormant. The question is, where are the brains in the pre-WAG stages?
WAGS Displaying Active Brains:
Recently a group of WAGS competed in an episode of “The Weakest Link” – okay, that’s a bad example. Moving on …..
Wonderful weather, we’ve been having. It’s almost spring in the southern hemisphere. Umm….. not bad in the north, either.
(There has to be something…)
Okay, gotta go.
Interesting WAG Hobbies, Besides Shopping: “Oh, There’s SO Much!”
“Do you have any hobbies, beyond shopping?”
“I don’t know why people want to put us all in one ….. well, one ….peapod, you know? I mean, we’re all unique individuals. Victoria said it all when she said that life is so much more than football; that one has to see the full picture, you know, like there’s make-up and fashion …..”
“Yes. So what do you do?”
“Well, I’m a real PEOPLE person. I love people, and I like to give back something. I feel that it’s important to just listen to them sometimes – you know, to give a sympathetic ear? Not everybody understands shopping the way I do, and by listening, I can give them tips and help them. And about make-up too! And then there’s clubbing …..”
“Nightclubs or seals?”
“Yes, nightclubs – what other kind is there? Well, anyway, I’ve been studying social behaviour. That’s when a person learns to behave with ‘decorum’? Is that a word? You know, when you don’t throw up in public or tell the waitress to f*** off when she hits on your guy, and you ‘handle’ it, well, sort of graciously?”
“Yes, But What Of Your Hobbies?”
“Well, I tried to ride a horse once, but I didn’t like that. He was very rude. He kept on, you know, passing wind. I mean, what if people thought it was me? Can’t they train them or something? What if they did that in front of the Queen?”
“Queen Elizabeth? She’s an excellent rider. I think she would understand.”
“Oh …. yes, I suppose. Actually I meant Alex – Alex Curran, the WAG Queen? You don’t go out much, do you?”
“Tried any other hobbies?”
“Oh, lots! Like, I collect make-up. I’m passionate about that! I have so much that I’ll probably never use, but I just love to collect all sorts of famous brands. Whatever’s hot. And I like to keep a scrap book. I have a collection of my personal appearances in newspapers and magazines, then I have another collection of other WAGS. Actually, two – one for the ones I like and one for the ones I don’t like. You’d be amazed how busy that keeps me, because I keep changing my mind about who belongs where!”
“Anything outside of the World of Wags?”
“Where? What do you mean? I love water sport, if that’s what you mean! Like yachting….”
“You sail?”
“Well, I lie on the deck and work on my tan. I don’t do the ropes and things, if that’s what you mean. That would be crazy. Do you know how much I have to spend on my nails? Georgio would kill me! Oh … hah, hah, hah, …he’s my manicurist! You looked so shocked! Did you think I was having an affair? …..Would that count as an interest?”
“I wouldn’t call that a hobby – it’s more of a career risk ..…”
“Oh, yes, I suppose so. Well, obviously I love football …..”
“How very sensible.”
“You see? I’m not just a pretty face! I lead a fascinating life!”
“I don’t know why people want to put us all in one ….. well, one ….peapod, you know? I mean, we’re all unique individuals. Victoria said it all when she said that life is so much more than football; that one has to see the full picture, you know, like there’s make-up and fashion …..”
“Yes. So what do you do?”
“Well, I’m a real PEOPLE person. I love people, and I like to give back something. I feel that it’s important to just listen to them sometimes – you know, to give a sympathetic ear? Not everybody understands shopping the way I do, and by listening, I can give them tips and help them. And about make-up too! And then there’s clubbing …..”
“Nightclubs or seals?”
“Yes, nightclubs – what other kind is there? Well, anyway, I’ve been studying social behaviour. That’s when a person learns to behave with ‘decorum’? Is that a word? You know, when you don’t throw up in public or tell the waitress to f*** off when she hits on your guy, and you ‘handle’ it, well, sort of graciously?”
“Yes, But What Of Your Hobbies?”
“Well, I tried to ride a horse once, but I didn’t like that. He was very rude. He kept on, you know, passing wind. I mean, what if people thought it was me? Can’t they train them or something? What if they did that in front of the Queen?”
“Queen Elizabeth? She’s an excellent rider. I think she would understand.”
“Oh …. yes, I suppose. Actually I meant Alex – Alex Curran, the WAG Queen? You don’t go out much, do you?”
“Tried any other hobbies?”
“Oh, lots! Like, I collect make-up. I’m passionate about that! I have so much that I’ll probably never use, but I just love to collect all sorts of famous brands. Whatever’s hot. And I like to keep a scrap book. I have a collection of my personal appearances in newspapers and magazines, then I have another collection of other WAGS. Actually, two – one for the ones I like and one for the ones I don’t like. You’d be amazed how busy that keeps me, because I keep changing my mind about who belongs where!”
“Anything outside of the World of Wags?”
“Where? What do you mean? I love water sport, if that’s what you mean! Like yachting….”
“You sail?”
“Well, I lie on the deck and work on my tan. I don’t do the ropes and things, if that’s what you mean. That would be crazy. Do you know how much I have to spend on my nails? Georgio would kill me! Oh … hah, hah, hah, …he’s my manicurist! You looked so shocked! Did you think I was having an affair? …..Would that count as an interest?”
“I wouldn’t call that a hobby – it’s more of a career risk ..…”
“Oh, yes, I suppose so. Well, obviously I love football …..”
“How very sensible.”
“You see? I’m not just a pretty face! I lead a fascinating life!”
A WAG’s Favourite Chocolate Brands: (To EAT Or To Display? Who’s Buying?)
It’s not that simple. Firstly, who’s buying? Secondly, who’s going to see? Is it for me, or is it a gift to someone? Or am I going to serve them? Thirdly, will I have to pronounce the name? There’s a lot to consider – it’s not just a case of choosing one!
Of course, we know all the best brands, but if you’re new to this, you have to find your way around. If someone else is buying, you don’t want to look cheap – or uneducated – so you choose one of the exclusive shops and while you pretend to be undecided because they’re “all so decadently delicious” and you “really shouldn’t”, you check the price tags. Price tags are always a good guideline.
If you’re just on a binge yourself, the ones in the supermarket will do just fine – the imported ones, of course. (You never know who you might bump into unexpectedly. It’s all very well to be caught slumming it, but there are limits.)
If you’re entertaining at home, well you have to know who is going to be there and what they served at their party – and how their faire was received. (“Faire”? Did I say that? Wow.!) Anyway, you don’t want to offer the same, so you have to do better. Unless, of course, that brand is the vogue at that moment and expected, then you have to just make sure that you have more of them than your guests served at their party. Then presentation is everything. It’s all in HOW you serve the chocolates.
If you’re giving chocolates as a gift, find out where they buy from and get the most expensive ones from there. Remember that giving chocolates always sends a message, so what you buy depends on how much you like the person. If she’s mean to you and she’s drop dead gorgeous, buy a lot and buy the full fat ones with sweet fillings. She’ll either get fat or throw up – either way. If she’s overweight and mean, well that’ll do to. If she’s your friend and you want her to keep her figure, buy a few of the a top brand, low fat, liqueur chocolates and place them in a good quality crystal container or something like that, so that she knows you want to spoil her, but you care. But not so few that she’ll think that you think she’s getting fat!
Buying chocolates isn’t just something that you do. A lot of thought has to go into it. There are consequences.
Down To The Business Of Non-Negotiables:
They must be imported. Unless, of course, you happen to be in Belgium at the time, then you can buy local! Or in France. Or Switzerland. Italy too. (Buy a lot, then, so that you can take back a bunch as gifts. That way people know you were there.)
Rules of Thumb? Well, sure, there are some basic rules. If they’re expensive, that’s good. If they’re exclusive, that’s better. If they have to be flown in for the occasion – that’s jackpot.
Of course, we know all the best brands, but if you’re new to this, you have to find your way around. If someone else is buying, you don’t want to look cheap – or uneducated – so you choose one of the exclusive shops and while you pretend to be undecided because they’re “all so decadently delicious” and you “really shouldn’t”, you check the price tags. Price tags are always a good guideline.
If you’re just on a binge yourself, the ones in the supermarket will do just fine – the imported ones, of course. (You never know who you might bump into unexpectedly. It’s all very well to be caught slumming it, but there are limits.)
If you’re entertaining at home, well you have to know who is going to be there and what they served at their party – and how their faire was received. (“Faire”? Did I say that? Wow.!) Anyway, you don’t want to offer the same, so you have to do better. Unless, of course, that brand is the vogue at that moment and expected, then you have to just make sure that you have more of them than your guests served at their party. Then presentation is everything. It’s all in HOW you serve the chocolates.
If you’re giving chocolates as a gift, find out where they buy from and get the most expensive ones from there. Remember that giving chocolates always sends a message, so what you buy depends on how much you like the person. If she’s mean to you and she’s drop dead gorgeous, buy a lot and buy the full fat ones with sweet fillings. She’ll either get fat or throw up – either way. If she’s overweight and mean, well that’ll do to. If she’s your friend and you want her to keep her figure, buy a few of the a top brand, low fat, liqueur chocolates and place them in a good quality crystal container or something like that, so that she knows you want to spoil her, but you care. But not so few that she’ll think that you think she’s getting fat!
Buying chocolates isn’t just something that you do. A lot of thought has to go into it. There are consequences.
Down To The Business Of Non-Negotiables:
They must be imported. Unless, of course, you happen to be in Belgium at the time, then you can buy local! Or in France. Or Switzerland. Italy too. (Buy a lot, then, so that you can take back a bunch as gifts. That way people know you were there.)
Rules of Thumb? Well, sure, there are some basic rules. If they’re expensive, that’s good. If they’re exclusive, that’s better. If they have to be flown in for the occasion – that’s jackpot.
The WAG And Mood Swings: Understanding PMS.
WAGS, don’t despair . I’m a man, but a sympathetic one. Listen up.
PMS’s are a natural curse to all women, even WAGS. They parade under the umbrella of Perpetual Mood Swings. You cannot escape them in your complex lifestyle. After all, you have so much to deal with - you cannot be expected to be happy and cheerful all the time, although it’s advisable in public. The paparazzi can be ruthless.
There are multiple causes, and they can hit you any number of times a day. The way to combat them is to understand them and to arm yourself with some solutions.
Example One – Business:
Pre Match Stress: What will you wear? Will it be a good hair day or a bad one? What about the weather – waterproof make-up or not? The girls went shopping yesterday (obviously!) – did someone buy the same outfit you did? Do you shout for the bastard after his scene with that hussy, or give him the cold shoulder? Do you have to go at all? All perfectly legitimate concerns.
Chill, girlfriend. You are you and you are unique (lol … oh, that means ‘lots of love’…oops), so trust your instincts. The girl at the boutique didn’t allow anyone else to buy the same outfit for tomorrow’s game, even if she does hate your guts for being such a bitch to her. She’s wants you and the others to keep shopping there. Don’t stress. Wear waterproof make-up. If it doesn’t actually rain, it’ll be hot as hell in the VIP box and you’ll sweat anyway. Shout for the bastard. Nobody understands what you’re shouting anyway, so let it all out. And yes, you do have to go. The paparazzi expect it. You have to support your supporters – it’s just good business. Anyway, if you don’t, he might take that hussy.
Example 2 – Out Of The Public Eye:
Porsche Mechanic Stress: Don’t let him stress you out. You cannot expect a man to understand that you need him to locate that funny noise you can’t define - (you cannot be expected to be mechanically-minded on top of all your essential talents and skills; that’s what you pay him for) – to get rid of it, tone up the colour in those troublesome spots and do the oil thingy quickly, because you need the car before your lunch appointment.
If he looks as though he’s not taking in what you’re saying – well, you’re probably right. Men can only focus on one thing at a time. (That’s why they focus on the cleavage – there’s only one of those.)
Solution: Make him stand up when you’re talking to him. Don’t let him fool you into thinking that he has to lie under that car and you have to bend forwards to speak to him. Tell him that despite the warm weather, you’ll have to change your halter neck for a Victorian dress by 1:00pm for a function. He’ll have the car ready by noon.
If you find these tips helpful, give me a call – we’ll discuss the rest over lunch.
PMS’s are a natural curse to all women, even WAGS. They parade under the umbrella of Perpetual Mood Swings. You cannot escape them in your complex lifestyle. After all, you have so much to deal with - you cannot be expected to be happy and cheerful all the time, although it’s advisable in public. The paparazzi can be ruthless.
There are multiple causes, and they can hit you any number of times a day. The way to combat them is to understand them and to arm yourself with some solutions.
Example One – Business:
Pre Match Stress: What will you wear? Will it be a good hair day or a bad one? What about the weather – waterproof make-up or not? The girls went shopping yesterday (obviously!) – did someone buy the same outfit you did? Do you shout for the bastard after his scene with that hussy, or give him the cold shoulder? Do you have to go at all? All perfectly legitimate concerns.
Chill, girlfriend. You are you and you are unique (lol … oh, that means ‘lots of love’…oops), so trust your instincts. The girl at the boutique didn’t allow anyone else to buy the same outfit for tomorrow’s game, even if she does hate your guts for being such a bitch to her. She’s wants you and the others to keep shopping there. Don’t stress. Wear waterproof make-up. If it doesn’t actually rain, it’ll be hot as hell in the VIP box and you’ll sweat anyway. Shout for the bastard. Nobody understands what you’re shouting anyway, so let it all out. And yes, you do have to go. The paparazzi expect it. You have to support your supporters – it’s just good business. Anyway, if you don’t, he might take that hussy.
Example 2 – Out Of The Public Eye:
Porsche Mechanic Stress: Don’t let him stress you out. You cannot expect a man to understand that you need him to locate that funny noise you can’t define - (you cannot be expected to be mechanically-minded on top of all your essential talents and skills; that’s what you pay him for) – to get rid of it, tone up the colour in those troublesome spots and do the oil thingy quickly, because you need the car before your lunch appointment.
If he looks as though he’s not taking in what you’re saying – well, you’re probably right. Men can only focus on one thing at a time. (That’s why they focus on the cleavage – there’s only one of those.)
Solution: Make him stand up when you’re talking to him. Don’t let him fool you into thinking that he has to lie under that car and you have to bend forwards to speak to him. Tell him that despite the warm weather, you’ll have to change your halter neck for a Victorian dress by 1:00pm for a function. He’ll have the car ready by noon.
If you find these tips helpful, give me a call – we’ll discuss the rest over lunch.
WAGS And DomesticAppliances: The Big Question
“Can a WAG use any of the domestic appliances?” I was shocked and dismayed by the question! Of COURSE she can!
The WAG is the best thing that’s come out of football! How could anyone compare the dedication of a bunch of grown men kicking a ball about, to the dedication of a WAG to her complex lifestyle? The question offends me. She certainly knows how to use a number of domestic appliances.
The first one that comes to mind is an appliance indispensable to every WAG household, called a “Baller”. (I was extremely relieved to discover that it stands for ‘footballer’.) Now this appliance is central to the continued functioning of the entire domestic life of the WAG. She understands exactly where it’s applied and knows exactly which buttons to press to ensure the best quality of domestic flow. (In parenthesis, you have to be a WAG to own one of these, so the mere fact that she has one proves that she’s qualified to use it.)
Just glance around the kitchen! Pick an example at random! There we are – cream. Whipped cream. She knows exactly how to do that. (Can’t leave THAT one to the maid!) First, obviously, you take the cream – upstairs. Then you close the curtains, turn down the bed covers, and lay out the gear. Leather thongs, black edible stockings, black leather belt with bronze buckle, leather whip, leather retaining straps – all natural products, please note. She’s very green conscious. (It’s the vogue, see?) Dim the lights for better results.
When the preliminaries are done, bring in the baller, don the gear, then spread the cream evenly over its entire body. Then whip. The baller shakes and vibrates during whipping – (I think it has something to do with the density or constituency of the cream, not sure). There you go! I’m not sure how they get the whipped cream into the coffee, but hey, making the coffee isn’t her function. What does one have a maid for?
Those Electric Thingies Around The House:
There’s the electric fan. That’s a no-brainer. You place the fan to the side of a full-length mirror, arm yourself with a brush, and switch on. It’s designed to emulate the flow of your hair at different wind speeds, simulating your drive in the convertible with the hood down. Leaves no room for styling errors.
Then there’s the refrigerator. That’s designed to keep certain face preparations at the right temperature. (The cook figured out she could keep food there too – quaint. Never mind, as long as she leaves room for the important stuff).
The electric kettle. Now there’s a smart invention. When your man gets in and he’s been pissing it up and is all objectionable, you throw that at him. But here’s the twist – it can also boil water! So when he’s armed with a bottle or something, and you can’t risk letting the kettle out of your hands, you simply throw the boiling water in a sweeping, waist-high arc!
Come on, you can’t teach a WAG about domestic appliances!
The WAG is the best thing that’s come out of football! How could anyone compare the dedication of a bunch of grown men kicking a ball about, to the dedication of a WAG to her complex lifestyle? The question offends me. She certainly knows how to use a number of domestic appliances.
The first one that comes to mind is an appliance indispensable to every WAG household, called a “Baller”. (I was extremely relieved to discover that it stands for ‘footballer’.) Now this appliance is central to the continued functioning of the entire domestic life of the WAG. She understands exactly where it’s applied and knows exactly which buttons to press to ensure the best quality of domestic flow. (In parenthesis, you have to be a WAG to own one of these, so the mere fact that she has one proves that she’s qualified to use it.)
Just glance around the kitchen! Pick an example at random! There we are – cream. Whipped cream. She knows exactly how to do that. (Can’t leave THAT one to the maid!) First, obviously, you take the cream – upstairs. Then you close the curtains, turn down the bed covers, and lay out the gear. Leather thongs, black edible stockings, black leather belt with bronze buckle, leather whip, leather retaining straps – all natural products, please note. She’s very green conscious. (It’s the vogue, see?) Dim the lights for better results.
When the preliminaries are done, bring in the baller, don the gear, then spread the cream evenly over its entire body. Then whip. The baller shakes and vibrates during whipping – (I think it has something to do with the density or constituency of the cream, not sure). There you go! I’m not sure how they get the whipped cream into the coffee, but hey, making the coffee isn’t her function. What does one have a maid for?
Those Electric Thingies Around The House:
There’s the electric fan. That’s a no-brainer. You place the fan to the side of a full-length mirror, arm yourself with a brush, and switch on. It’s designed to emulate the flow of your hair at different wind speeds, simulating your drive in the convertible with the hood down. Leaves no room for styling errors.
Then there’s the refrigerator. That’s designed to keep certain face preparations at the right temperature. (The cook figured out she could keep food there too – quaint. Never mind, as long as she leaves room for the important stuff).
The electric kettle. Now there’s a smart invention. When your man gets in and he’s been pissing it up and is all objectionable, you throw that at him. But here’s the twist – it can also boil water! So when he’s armed with a bottle or something, and you can’t risk letting the kettle out of your hands, you simply throw the boiling water in a sweeping, waist-high arc!
Come on, you can’t teach a WAG about domestic appliances!
The Successful WAG: A Genie In A Peroxide Bottle?
Don’t kid yourself. The successful WAG is an athlete’s greatest asset, along with his talent and skill in the game.
WAGs, you may be temperamental, a compulsive shopper and a clubber of note – but there’s the key: “Of Note”! You are his future and yours. If you’re a successful WAG and not just a tongue wag, you will be working on that future right now, doing what you do best.
Your partner is on top of his game and reaping the rewards. He can’t kick a ball around forever. He knows that he has a limited shelf life, and subconsciously it bothers him.
You are where you are because of his talent and skills, and you need to do whatever you can to enhance his career while he has it. His efforts have formed the foundation of your lifestyle. Help him to secure it – and prepare for the next world now.
You ARE The Successful WAG.
You recognize his talents; you’re proud of them. Others might be leaches; you are a nurturer. You understand his stresses and weaknesses; you encourage, support, accentuate his strengths and provide the drive to excel. But you are his comfort, too - his port in the storm. (I have no comment on docking procedures.)
Your own lifestyle recognizes the need for PR. You smooth his relationship with his coach and his team-mates. You show his coach that you are an asset to his game and not a hindrance. You don’t steal his thunder, you applaud it. (You know that the girls who steal their partner’s thunder are insecure and don’t know where the hell they’re at.) His game is the golden goose – you feed it and nurse it and keep it plump.
Meanwhile, you have your eye on that distant horizon. You shop, you club, you build your image. You ensure that the paparazzi see you for what you are – a woman with a brain, who knows how to present herself. You’re chic, you’re fun, you have style, you have taste - and you’re happening; but most of all you’re the force behind the man.
Second fiddle? Not for long. You’re building your reputation as a force to be reckoned with. You don’t just spend his money – you’re looking for investments. As your reputation waxes stronger, you’re making the contacts. You’re sending out signals, you’re checking the turf. You’re not asking for recognition- you’re building a platform that, in time, will draw it like a magnet. You’re building your own foundation that will, one day, be solid enough to support your success.
Your style and your panache will win you your clothing lines, your fragrances. Your insight will win you the personal appearances. Most of all, your acumen will win the confidence of investors and public alike.
Right now, you’re riding the crest of the wave with your partner. You surf that wave and get as much mileage out of it as you can, while you secure the next world for you and the man into whom you’ve invested so much.
You go, Girl!
WAGs, you may be temperamental, a compulsive shopper and a clubber of note – but there’s the key: “Of Note”! You are his future and yours. If you’re a successful WAG and not just a tongue wag, you will be working on that future right now, doing what you do best.
Your partner is on top of his game and reaping the rewards. He can’t kick a ball around forever. He knows that he has a limited shelf life, and subconsciously it bothers him.
You are where you are because of his talent and skills, and you need to do whatever you can to enhance his career while he has it. His efforts have formed the foundation of your lifestyle. Help him to secure it – and prepare for the next world now.
You ARE The Successful WAG.
You recognize his talents; you’re proud of them. Others might be leaches; you are a nurturer. You understand his stresses and weaknesses; you encourage, support, accentuate his strengths and provide the drive to excel. But you are his comfort, too - his port in the storm. (I have no comment on docking procedures.)
Your own lifestyle recognizes the need for PR. You smooth his relationship with his coach and his team-mates. You show his coach that you are an asset to his game and not a hindrance. You don’t steal his thunder, you applaud it. (You know that the girls who steal their partner’s thunder are insecure and don’t know where the hell they’re at.) His game is the golden goose – you feed it and nurse it and keep it plump.
Meanwhile, you have your eye on that distant horizon. You shop, you club, you build your image. You ensure that the paparazzi see you for what you are – a woman with a brain, who knows how to present herself. You’re chic, you’re fun, you have style, you have taste - and you’re happening; but most of all you’re the force behind the man.
Second fiddle? Not for long. You’re building your reputation as a force to be reckoned with. You don’t just spend his money – you’re looking for investments. As your reputation waxes stronger, you’re making the contacts. You’re sending out signals, you’re checking the turf. You’re not asking for recognition- you’re building a platform that, in time, will draw it like a magnet. You’re building your own foundation that will, one day, be solid enough to support your success.
Your style and your panache will win you your clothing lines, your fragrances. Your insight will win you the personal appearances. Most of all, your acumen will win the confidence of investors and public alike.
Right now, you’re riding the crest of the wave with your partner. You surf that wave and get as much mileage out of it as you can, while you secure the next world for you and the man into whom you’ve invested so much.
You go, Girl!
WAG – A Domestic Goddess? Cast Aside All Doubts!
The question cropped up, “Is a WAG a domestic goddess?” For the life of me, I cannot understand why the question. Of course. Surely that’s evident. Consider goddesses you’ve heard of – what do they do around the house?
She graces it with her presence. She lounges, making her will known. She leaves no doubt as to who the goddess of the house is. She metes out punishment – and she grants favours. She can wither you with a look, or turn your knees to water with a smile. She’s mystical.
Mystical? Of course she is. How often have you gazed into those goddess eyes and wondered what the hell is going on in there? There’s no telling. Do YOU know how she arrived at some of those decisions – or what she’s going to do next? When you see that ember of life in those eyes turn to a glow, can YOU anticipate whether she’ll give you honey from her lips or launch a vase at your head?
She demands the best from you. She can be pacified with gifts – but an inferior gift will ignite her wrath, and fire and brimstone will be your lot until you rectify the situation with something more worthy. She can bring crushing poverty down upon your home; or she can grant you fame and wealth, way beyond anything you enjoyed before.
Damn right, she’s a domestic goddess, and you doubt that at your peril.
The Good News – She’s Made Of The Good Stuff.
Yup, she’s not all cold and stony - when she chooses not to be. Sure, that cold shoulder has a freeze in it that could reverse global warming; but she has – well, other attributes – that could melt the ice caps in an hour.
This domestic goddess can be all woman when she so chooses. She can be soft and pliant. She can sooth you with soft lights and gentle music. She can soak you in luxurious bubble baths to ease your aching muscles and nurture you with the smoothest whiskey to ease the flight of today into tomorrow. Her strong, gentle hands can massage the Coach right out of your consciousness.
And the gift thing? (Did I mention that she grants wisdom too?) If you use wisdom, you’ll find that she’s happy with gift vouchers from certain elite shops – and accounts at most others. (She accepts credit cards.) And she knows how to show favour when you show wisdom and use the life lessons she’s so caringly taught you.
She doesn’t come with a user manual, so you have to figure it out, but that’s what the change rooms at work are for. That’s where fellowship with your colleagues and the sharing of knowledge and experience comes in. Use that time wisely. Learn from the mistakes of others and give support to the newbies in your group.
WAG goddesses can be temperamental – but would you want a cold, inanimate statue on your mantelpiece instead? Well, assuming it’s not a golden football trophy with your name on it, of course. That’s always jackpot.
She graces it with her presence. She lounges, making her will known. She leaves no doubt as to who the goddess of the house is. She metes out punishment – and she grants favours. She can wither you with a look, or turn your knees to water with a smile. She’s mystical.
Mystical? Of course she is. How often have you gazed into those goddess eyes and wondered what the hell is going on in there? There’s no telling. Do YOU know how she arrived at some of those decisions – or what she’s going to do next? When you see that ember of life in those eyes turn to a glow, can YOU anticipate whether she’ll give you honey from her lips or launch a vase at your head?
She demands the best from you. She can be pacified with gifts – but an inferior gift will ignite her wrath, and fire and brimstone will be your lot until you rectify the situation with something more worthy. She can bring crushing poverty down upon your home; or she can grant you fame and wealth, way beyond anything you enjoyed before.
Damn right, she’s a domestic goddess, and you doubt that at your peril.
The Good News – She’s Made Of The Good Stuff.
Yup, she’s not all cold and stony - when she chooses not to be. Sure, that cold shoulder has a freeze in it that could reverse global warming; but she has – well, other attributes – that could melt the ice caps in an hour.
This domestic goddess can be all woman when she so chooses. She can be soft and pliant. She can sooth you with soft lights and gentle music. She can soak you in luxurious bubble baths to ease your aching muscles and nurture you with the smoothest whiskey to ease the flight of today into tomorrow. Her strong, gentle hands can massage the Coach right out of your consciousness.
And the gift thing? (Did I mention that she grants wisdom too?) If you use wisdom, you’ll find that she’s happy with gift vouchers from certain elite shops – and accounts at most others. (She accepts credit cards.) And she knows how to show favour when you show wisdom and use the life lessons she’s so caringly taught you.
She doesn’t come with a user manual, so you have to figure it out, but that’s what the change rooms at work are for. That’s where fellowship with your colleagues and the sharing of knowledge and experience comes in. Use that time wisely. Learn from the mistakes of others and give support to the newbies in your group.
WAG goddesses can be temperamental – but would you want a cold, inanimate statue on your mantelpiece instead? Well, assuming it’s not a golden football trophy with your name on it, of course. That’s always jackpot.
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